


The Playing Field

by Shay_Moonsilk



Series: Spy!verse [2]
Category: James Bond - All Media Types, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental overdose, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Drugs, F/M, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-04-28 01:06:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5072071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Moonsilk/pseuds/Shay_Moonsilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin loved his boyfriend – Bilbo was a wonderful person, if a little, well, boring. But there was nothing wrong with enjoying good food, gardening, and time with family even if his taste in music didn’t age after 1998 and he didn’t own a TV. Bilbo Baggins was perfectly respectable. </p><p>Until he found that Bilbo Baggins had another name – 002. And while he didn’t own a TV, he did own a license to kill.</p><p>He forgot to tell Thorin about that bit. </p><p>This is just your everyday Hobbit/007 crossover story, except Bilbo is the spy here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Meet the Brothers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5050441) by [Shay_Moonsilk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Moonsilk/pseuds/Shay_Moonsilk). 



> This has been taking over my life for the past few days, which means I'm making you all deal with it.

Bungo met Belladonna before they became 003 and 002.

It had been in a coffeehouse – she accidentally took his order of tea because it was the same one she’d ordered, and, “ _I didn’t realize anyone appreciated this blend in this blasted world of coffee anymore._ ” He’d fallen in love instantly.

She made it up to him by promising dinner the very next night, but neither ended up making it to that date.

He was in the process of becoming a field agent for MI6, in her Majesty's Secret Service. Initiation involved several spontaneous trips that happened at a moment’s notice for an indefinite length of time.

Bungo meant to give her a call (but neither owned a phone and pay phones were too fickle and you never knew just _who_ was listening in) because he _really_ wanted that dinner. Then he woke up in Cairo the next morning and met his partner for that mission for the first time, all he could think was, ' _oh, I guess I didn’t need to worry about standing her up.'_

And Belladonna, beautiful Belladonna, had looked at him and said, “After this, we’re getting _married_.”

And that was that.

-

Dori knew them both, or rather, 005 knew 003 and 002. They were a lovely couple, and made absolutely no effort to hide their relationship to the rest of MI6, although they stayed mostly professional on the field.

He hadn’t liked them for that, in the beginning.

Relationships in general, never-mind relationships among agents just _did not work_. Relationships were a messy business that ended in heartbreak or death – he never had to look further than his own mother as an example.

Maybe at 22 he was too young to be cynical, but he had the _world_ and _Nori_ to think about – poor Nori who was only 16 and shouldn’t be exposed to the instability of their mother’s relations while he was gone all the time from mission to mission.

The only consolation was that he at least knew mother would _be there_ – as M, she at least stayed in London so he knew _someone_ was looking after Nori while he would be away. If not her, usually not her, it was her newest husband, who was a kind enough lad, and more then made up as a parental figure. Nori certainly liked him, which earned him Dori’s approval.

And if Nori hadn’t liked him, well. Dori wasn’t their most dangerous agent because of his _knitting_ skills.

He wouldn’t be in the field much longer – mother had been training him to be the next M ( _Keeping it in the family_ , she’d said, for Gran had it before she did) because she would actually be _retiring_.

Though it had a lot to do with the baby she had yet to deliver. Said she was getting on in her years and wanted to see what this retirement business was all about.

005 always had a difficult time _not_ laughing whenever someone over at MI6 wanted to ask her about the baby, but would cower in fear the moment her gaze would be turned to them. The way she can make people cower with but a _glance_ makes him proud to be her son.

And when she has the baby, 005 became M, and M finally _became mother_.

It wasn't the conventional family dynamic most had, but they were Longbeards - if the majority of them could live in London, that was the closest they'd get to normal.

\--

Mother only got three years of retirement, and then she and Ori's father died of a car crash - an end _completely_ unworthy of her.

“Never thought she could die.” Belladonna was saying, in the living room of the Longbeard family home. The funeral had been that morning. The wake had just ended as Dori and Nori’s far-extended family finished leaving. Leaving their _actual_ family to stay, drink her favorite old scotch, and reminisce.

Even Nori had a little. Dori thought to protest, but he was nineteen. And he only had a sip before gagging and shoving the rest of it back to Bungo. Ori, three years old, was curled into his lap. Nori hadn’t let him go since the funeral, and Dori couldn’t blame him.

He sat next to Nori and puts an arm around him, and his little brother leaned into him, little Ori not moving from his spot.

“No end would have suited her.” Dori agreed with his dearest friend. His eyes wander to Bilbo, her own boy, sitting next to her and drinking tea. He was eight years old, and understood what had happened. Bella wrapped an arm around him.

“This is the reality of our work.” Bungo spoke up, “You have to live every day as best you can, and do your best for the people who matter.”

This was an old argument Dori had been having with them. When Belladonna had gotten pregnant, she stayed off the field for the year to have Bilbo, and Dori thought she’d stay off, like his own mother had down for him. He’d been a fool. Neither she nor Bungo stopped performing as agents, and simply did their best to work opposite each other for Bilbo’s sake. And when that couldn’t happen, they’d leave him with Dori’s family (their own families were a world away in the countryside, and completely ignorant of their work in MI6).

Dori had always told them to step back, but they always said life was too fickle for them to retire. And the allure - the pull - to the field was too much to ignore.

Who was to say they were wrong?

-

002 and 003 died as most agents died – on a mission, under fire, and their bodies were never recovered.

It was, as it always is when an agent dies, tragic.

Like other agents before them, they had been too large, too incredible to have such an abrupt end to their lives.

Belladonna and Bungo died, and they left behind a son.

Dori hated them for that selfishness – hated that neither had stepped away from the field to look after Bilbo, who was now going to grow up without _either_ of them and he was only eleven. 

Dori hated them because they were his _best_ friends, and they _left_ him with their child, as if he, Dori, could _ever_ measure up to either of them for Bilbo.

There was nothing to it. Dori would finish raising Bilbo with Ori while he continued on as M.

Following in his mother’s path, like a neverending cycle.

-

There was no way for Dori to stop Bilbo from following in his parents footsteps - he never even tried. Bilbo was the perfect blend of them both. He was thoughtful and logical like his father, but just as bold and fierce as his mother. Dori tried to let him and Ori have a normal childhood, the way he and Nori never had, but it just wasn't possible with the two of them.

And the fact that Nori, a field-agent himself now, started teaching them all the tricks he'd learned at their age certainly put them in... unique situations during those short years Dori tried to put them in conventional school.  
Though, being one of the people who taught Nori back when _he_ was a child, Dori figured he deserved it.

Nori began his training a few months after their mothers' funeral, but stayed at the Longbeard home whenever he was in the country to be near Bilbo and Ori. Bilbo took a particular shine to him - Dori thought it was because Nori's fieldwork reminded him of his parents. His call sign - 003 - was even the same as his father's. But Nori and Bilbo had a special bond. They were certainly close enough that Dori knew Bilbo would go after fieldwork.

Sure enough, Bilbo came to him the day he turned nineteen, prepared with a host of reasons as to why Dori needed to let him be an agent.

Dori didn't understand how the lad expected him to be surprised.

"Let me guess, Nori helped you make this... _list_." He said, eyeing the bound packet in Bilbo's arms. Dori was being generous in calling that a _list_. It was a bloody _novel_.

"Yes." Bilbo looked at him defiantly, ready to argue his case just as Nori had when he came to Dori.

"Well, I will tell you the same thing I told him."

Bilbo's eyes brightened, because he knew that Dori said yes to Nori. He'd agree to anything - he just _won_.

"I am M. In this facility, you listen to my _every_ word, and there is _no_ negotiating. In the field, there isn't time to talk back to me - agents that talk back never talk again. I am not your guardian here. You will have a number, not a name in these headquarters. You will go through The Training on your own, and will _only_ become an agent if you pass. Do you understand me?"

"Yes M."

"Cheeky." Dori tutted.

Bilbo smirked. Dori's heart broke.

"You will report to training tomorrow, 0400. Do you understand me, 002?"

Bilbo's eyes widened, and Dori heard how his voice shook despite firmly replying, "Yes M."

"Dismissed."

-

002 and 003 worked flawlessly together. 002 didn't look like their typical field agent - he wasn't 007 in that regard. But it was his soft and unassuming nature that was his greatest strength. He was the best at the various honeypot traps. M loved putting 002, 003, and 007 together when the mission called for it - the three came together as if they'd worked together for years. For them, the field really was their playing field, in the way it had been back when M was 005, and 002 and 003 had different names then the ones using their numbers now.

Dori envied them for the perceived immortality.

-

When you spend too much time on the playing field, you forget there is a world around it.

But for some people, a world exists where exotic locations are distant marks on a map, not painful memories. Where letters are _letters_ , not acceptable titles to give people in lieu of their names. Where cars are methods of transportation, and _not_ bullet-shields.

Dori used to envy the lives those people had, until he realized how _dull_ it all was.

But that didn't mean he wanted the field to be the _only_ life his family had. He remembered how unstable his life was while he mother was an agent. How he'd thought being _M_ would make her more present after she had Nori, but that was false. And by the time she decided to be a mother for Ori, well. It made him decide that relationships and families were not for people like him. Not for people like _them_. Bungo and Belladonna had always thought themselves above the rule. That didn't work for them.

It gave him mixed feelings when Nori introduced him to Bofur.

Bofur was a kind man, a good man. One that knew _nothing_ about MI6, or what his boyfriend really did for a living. Nori was, to him, an international salesman in the high-tech industry, which explained why he traveled long-distance sometimes, and unexpectedly.

Dori had warned Nori that it could never work (because he _saw_ the look in Nori's face when he looked at Bofur. It reminded him of mother when she met Nori's father.) but Nori wouldn't listen. No one ever listened to him. The relationship continued, and they wound up getting married (and Bofur could never know how they almost _didn_ 't actually get married that day) and Bofur became a regular fixture at Sunday night dinners, even if Nori himself wasn’t there. Ori _loved_ him, and Bilbo became his best friend.

Bilbo took after Nori’s lead (of _course_ ) in finding a partner from outside their world. His name was Thorin, and was a perfectly boring accountant with a boisterous family. The irony was that, according to the intelligence Dori had on them, it was the family that thought _Bilbo_ was the dull one. Bilbo _loved it_ – big families were a weakness of his (this came from not really having one, which Dori refused to let himself feel bad over). Bilbo _loved_ spending time with their family and playing the part of the cute, doe-eyed tailor that went to _knitting_ and _fabric conventions_. (His cover story was a little more on the ridiculous side, with full hindsight.)

Ori, on the other hand, decided to go further in the field. Maybe it was because he felt like he was on the outside because his job kept him _in_ the country, unlike Nori and Bilbo, but Dori knew there’d be trouble the instant he started hearing his youngest brother and 007 trade snarky – _flirty_ remarks over the comms that reminded him far too much of the way Bungo and Belladonna used to talk to each other.

Dori’s first instinct was to drop 007 in North Korea and leave him there.

But Dori was a mature adult and did not do this.

He did go with the second instinct, which was to send him to Croatia with 003 to determine if he would be good enough to really join their family. 003 reported inconclusive results, so M decided to add 002 to the next text in Nicaragua. 002 reported positively, yet 003 was still inconclusive but getting better readings. Finally, after the third mission, 003 gave the all-clear. And they decided it was time for Ori to finally introduce Dwalin to them.

Dori was glad they’d waited for this moment – the look on Dwalin’s face was priceless.

He would be a welcome addition to the family.

-

Bilbo and Thorin were running late to Dori's townhome - Saturday night dinner with Thorin's family had gone on for a little while, but they were finally on their way so they could meet the man Ori was getting serious with. Thorin was making jokes about Dori and Nori finally acknowledging Ori was growing up, while Bilbo wondered what it would be like to interact with Dwalin when they were out of the playing field.

He sent a text to Bofur when they rounded the corner, and were greeted by him and Ori at the front door.

“Thorin! Bilbo! Glad you could make it!” Both men smiled and Bofur gave each of them a hug.

Ori didn’t waste any time in saying hello before turning instantly to Bilbo. “Dori and Nori are talking with Dwalin, and they’re being ridiculous. Make them _stop_.”

Thorin laughed, but Bilbo gave a huff and disappeared into the house to do just that. By the time he made it to the kitchen, he could see that Dwalin was settling in perfectly at the kitchen table. Dori was pouring more cups of tea for everyone, and Nori was lounging in the chair as if he owned the place. Dwalin gave him a slow nod, and Bilbo returned it with a smile.

“I would tell you this gets easier, but I would lie. They’re usually much worse.”

_“Oi!" “Excuse me!”_

Dwalin snorted and drank his tea.

Bilbo didn't give them the chance to get too indignant. “Ori was angry you two were having a _chat_. Frankly I agree. Weren’t all those last minute missions enough?”

“A point you don’t overkill isn’t maid at all.” Dori primly replied, and Nori nodded as if it were sage advice.

Bilbo rolled his eyes.

Before Dwalin could chime in, all hell broke loose.

All they could hear was Thorin shouting in the driveway, and the horrible noise of screeching tire marks. By the time they made it to the front door, Bofur, Thorin, and Ori were all missing. The only evidence of foul play were the tire marks on the street. And Bofur's hat, laying on its own on the front porch. Methodically, Nori knelt down to pick it up, and stared at it, almost as if he couldn't understand what it was doing.

Whenever Dori had been especially critical of Belladonna and Bungo of their choice to stay active when they were still alive, they always used to tell him two things.

The first was that life was to fickle to guarantee safety – you could be killed at any moment, why give into the pretend illusion of safety?

The second reason had been much more honest - even if you retire, step back from it all, you never actually retire.

When you're an agent, you're always going to be an agent. You never left the field, no matter where you were. Their lives were part of the playing field.

 _Well_ , he thought ruefully, as he sprang into action to figure out just how his family home became compromised, _they may have had the right of it this whole time._


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot is coming together as I write - I know the objective, and a few scenes I want to have happen, but, well, we'll see how it plays out. 
> 
> Any mistakes made here are mine - if you spot them, please please please let me know and I will fix. 
> 
> I own none of this. Like none. Tis' sad.

_It was never a question of_ if _Nori would become an agent, but_ when _._

_Dori never told him much about his birth father (the memories were too painful for him because he'd liked 006), but Nori gathered enough from the agents mother introduced him to. His father had been an agent and he died on a mission – the standard way most agents went. Retiring, like mother and Dori did, was rare and legendary. But that was also because mother and Dori were rare and legendary – Nori didn’t need some random person with a number instead of a name to tell him that._

_Nori_ knew _he didn’t have the most conventional childhood._

_Most children played catch with their fathers – Nori’s stepdad had bonded with him by teaching him lock-picking and handcuff-breaking. Rather than his parents helping him with their homework, Nori had different intelligence agents and linguist analysts teaching him algebra and French. Most mothers let their kids practice driving to and from school. Mother had taught him to drive on the MI6 track their agents practiced on – and rather than struggle with parallel parking, Nori’s biggest concern before getting his license had been figuring out how to drive through the practice minefields. And alongside oil changes, he also learned which cars were the best for stealing when it came to bullet-hole durability. Most brothers frowned upon their siblings for stealing – but Nori had always been upset with that disappointed look Dori would give him when he’d get arrested by mall security for getting caught._

_It was_ never _a matter of_ if _he’d join._

_When mother died with Ori’s father when Nori was nineteen and Dori became M, that decided it for Nori._

There must always be a Ri in the field _, had been the expression their stepdad had fondly used, once Nori was old enough to understand what Dori really did for a living. And he was right._

 _As M, Dori had final say in who did or did not become an agent. Nori knew not to expect any favors, despite being brothers and having already performed many of the training exercises from the (far too many) times mother would bring him into work as a child. In preparation, he’d written up a whole list of arguments when he went to Dori –_ M _– to request he begin the training process as an official agent this time. This list had arguments, counter-arguments, and arguments to counter the counter-arguments. The list (really it couldn't be called that anymore) ended up stretching to cover twenty-five pages, and Nori had never been more ready to argue something in his life._

 _It was_ very _anti-climactic for Dori to say yes without Nori needing to take out the list. Nori was almost upset he didn’t get to use it._ Almost _._

_Nori came in, 003 came out._

-

Beginning fieldwork felt like riding a bike after so many years without. It felt more natural than anything else Nori had done. His affinity for acrobatics became a marvel in MI6, and M took great pride in the work he did, despite his being on the younger side.

( _Dori told him that if he jumped in between two skyscrapers ten feet apart without rope_ again _he would be_ grounded _._ )

No one expected him to work well with 007. They started training at the same time and clashed through the process. 007 was more of the James Bond type – he had the obvious muscles, the rogue charm, and the “ _jump in immediately and start shooting_ " attitude.

003 did not do that.

He was more of the type to run in a way that put parkour to shame rather than jump in with gunfire. His muscles were more lean, and his charm was something far more dangerous and intimate than the charm 007 had.

When M put them on a mission, his higher-ups were ready to remove him from the agency. They all said that he’d cracked – with _his mothers death only a year past_ , he _clearly wasn’t thinking straight_ by having two relatively new agents in the field at the same time.

Their egos alone should have gotten the other killed.

They were _fantastic_.

Where one was brawny and brash, the other was sneaky. One could charge and fight, the other could shoot from over a hundred meters away.

That dismissal of _you’re playing god_ , and, _nowhere near as good as the last M_ he'd kept hearing quickly became, _just like his mother_ and _he gets the agents he just does_.

M let the others talk themselves in circles. He had an agency to run.

-

Dori allowed Nori his few moments of shock. There wasn’t much he _could_ do until they got a location anyway. Nori kept the hat securely in his arms, and Bilbo ushered him back inside. He could hear Nori saying, “He’s going to be _cold_ I need to get this to him,” and Bilbo hushing him.

When in shock, Nori ( _who was always moving, talking, laughing and everywhere_ ) shut down into linear thought and went still. Bilbo, who learned his best fussing from Dori, got even worse when he was distraught.

Dori got a hold of the Q branch (fighting the overwhelming urge to _panic_ because the one who would be best at finding them was _taken_ and that was his _brother_ -)

 _No_. Dori gave up the right to that kind of thought when he allowed them to become agents.

Once he sent in the orders, M placed his phone back into his pocket, and looked over at Dwalin – who hadn’t moved since they found the tire-marks, Bofur's hat, and the unmistakable evidence of foul play.

“Can I help you?” M asked, letting Dori fall away. It was back to the field for them.

“Can I request a mission?” 007 asked, checking the gun he’d had on his person the entire time.

“It’s not a request if I’ve already placed you on it.” M snipped, and he reveled in the smirk 007 gave him.

“Good. I’ll be looking forward to Q’s face when he can see me break his gadgets on the field, in action.”

They were interrupted by 002 and 003 re-joining them in the entrance.

“Now, I know I didn’t just hear M playing favorites,” 003 drawled, “and I know he better not send 007 on his own. You also need to send good agents.”

“That’s why 002 will be going,” M said, and ignored 003’s, _"Oi_ " in favor of checking his phone, which had just gone off.

“If you’re all done relaxing,” he continued, seeing that one of the minions in Q branch sent him the coordinates of their missing colleagues, “You should probably all get back to work. The car is in the garage, and will be programmed with the necessary coordinates.”

He gave them all a steely look.

“Bring our boys back.”

-

From having injected himself so many times, Q was a deft hand at knowing when he’d been poisoned versus drugged. This time, it was drugged. Though, this _was_ the first time it wasn’t self-inflicted.

Awareness came to him in stages, and slowly his body moved to cooperate with him. The dosage he had been given _would_ have been enough to keep him unconscious for a while, but people _always_ underestimated Q. For the first time, he wasn’t complaining now.

He pushed himself up to see Thorin and Bofur occupying a cell with him, and his heart stopped.

That’s right – they were there when he’d been grabbed.

Why were they grabbed too?

Bofur was lying on the ground, just like he’d been. His eyes were open, but glassy and unseeing. Occasionally he let out a croaking whine – the noise was faint, but at least it told Q he was breathing, even though it sounded quite bad. Thorin’s eyes had more awareness, but his breathing was also labored.

“O-or-“ He tried to say, and Q nearly panicked.

“ _shhhh_ ,” Q said quickly. “Don’t say my name.”

Thorin’s reply was to squint at him in confusion. They heard footsteps from a distance, and Q hissed for him to close his eyes and pretend to sleep. He followed suit as the footsteps drew near, and stopped outside of their cell. Q let his eyes glaze over to copy Bofur's look, and made sure he was in a position to look at the figures. It was two men, both over six feet with similar features. Related, then? But unrecognizable.

“ _You dosed them with too much_!” The first hissed

“ _It’s not like we’ve perfected the Nazgul yet – I used what I had_!”

The Nazgul. The drug that was replacing heroin and ecstasy in popularity. That their agents had been focused on uncovering and exposing for the last few _months_. They’d been drugged with _nazgul_.

Q would be fine – he had immunity from the dose they’d given him, and was only feeling the drowsiness. They seemed to not have given Thorin enough, but he needed to check on Bofur.

“You’ll be the one to explain it to The Necromancer.” The first voice snapped. Q tried placing their accents, but maybe the drug was affecting more then he’d realized because his brain kept getting fuzzy. When their footsteps receeded, he and Thorin opened their eyes and Q sat back up. Awareness came with the motion and he felt relieved.

“What was that? Who were they? Where are we?” Thorin was asking him in a whisper – he looked panicked.

“I know just as much as you right now.” Q said, and he took this time to check on Bofur. Now that he knew what they’d been injected with, their escape plan came more easily. With most poisons, you had to remain as still as possible, or else risk spreading it faster. With drugs, it varied. Nazgul wasn’t affected by motion – it was simply a bitch of a drug that worked fast regardless, until they could get the cure Q had made for it. But now he knew they could move - and move _Bofur_ \- without causing him further harm.

Bofur’s condition hadn’t changed, and Q saw him pale even further. His eyes flickered back and forth, and Q knew he couldn’t see him at that point. He pressed a hand to his forehead and cringed. Bofur was _freezing_. Those henchman must have meant _this_ dose to go to Thorin, and _Thorin’s_ must have been for Bofur. It explained how it wasn’t affecting Thorin this badly.

“We’re breaking out.” Q said, before Thorin could ask him more questions. He knew a rescue mission was coming for them - Q ranked too high for that to not be true, but Bofur didn’t have the time for them to wait.

“How are we breaking out?”

In lieu of replying, Q removed Bofur’s shoelaces ( _how ridiculous that their captors didn't remove them_ ) and bobby pins from his hair ( _that usually kept his hat on his head and he hoped they didn't take it away_ ) and moved back to the locked door. He first used the bobby pin to get a feel for the lock, and then began wrapping the shoelace in and around to get the right depth for a key.

These henchmen were _pathetic_. Not that Q was complaining, but it was insulting how they didn’t think he could properly break out. 003 taught him this when he was _five_.

“Can you carry him?” Q called over to Thorin. He stumbled to his feet, but steeled himself and slowly reached down to pick up Bofur.

“Good. I’m going to open the door, and we’re going to leave. I will take care of any guards we come across – you don’t stop running. If we get separated, find the nearest payphone and-“

Q’s instructions were interrupted when the wall behind them exploded.

After that things went a little hectic.

007 leapt from the car while 003 backed it up so they could enter any of the doors.

This made sense, 003 _was_ their best driver. Q guessed 002 was upstairs, taking out the guards one by one. This made sense too, because he was the best at moving silently. 

“New plan, get in the car.” Q pulled Thorin, who managed not to drop Bofur in the confusion (Ori was impressed) into the car.

Car really wasn’t the right word for it – the size put it as more of a truck, but truck wasn’t an _elegant_ enough word to describe the silver planes and steel that made it. Van also sounded to plebeian, even though that may be the best word. Q didn’t care much for adjectives, he was just happy that they had a good vehicle with the supplies he needed to make a cure.

“I expected to be picking you up at the front door. Didn’t think you’d want to stay longer.” 003 snarked, and Q decided to be generous and _not_ point out his shaking hands.

Instead, he instructed Thorin to lay Bofur down on a pallet laying in the back, and Q focused on adding kingsfoil to the IV packet that contained saline solution, _not_ on the little croaking gasps that were coming from his brother-in-law.

That was when 003 _saw_ them, and Q didn’t like the look his eyes got.

“What happened.”

“Nazgul.”

003 cursed, loudly. Thorin slowly sank down on the other side of the car, staring ahead blankly. They’d have to do something for his shock later, but Q couldn’t focus on both things at once.

007 came back out, 002 right behind.

“Upstairs is secure. Get us out.” 002 slipped into the car, and they barely had time to close the door before 003 drove faster than Q had ever seen him do before.

The ride to MI6 was silent, save for the whimpers that came from Bofur. With every noise, 003 tried to go a little faster.

-

_Nori kissed Bofur before learning his name._

_Bofur had been picking up a cake for his niece’s birthday when, all of a sudden, a random blur rushed past him, and he was pulled into an alleyway. Before he had a chance to react, a pair of lips found his while several others rushed past him._

_“You taste like lemons.” The man said, looking pleased with himself._

_Bofur replied by showing off his command of the English language, “Who-wah-“_

_“Sorry about the cake,” the man said, only for Bofur to look down and see his niece’s cake smashed into the ground. His heart sank. Mlind-blowing kisses did not make up for ruining birthdays._

_“Who was running after you?” Was probably not the first question he should have asked, but that didn’t stop him._

_“Please. My name’s Nori. I’ll make this up to you. If you promise me one thing.”_

_“What?”_

_“I’ll get you another cake, if I get to go with you to wherever the cake’s destination was.”_

_Bofur snorted involuntarily, “Tell me why you were running and I say yes.”_

_“You drive a hard bargain. I want to stay with you so I’ll say yes.”_

_The other man began leading him back in the direction of the bakery. Bofur frowned at his back. “Hey, what’s your name anyway?”_

_His reply was to step back, wrap an arm around his shoulders, and let it slide to his hip. Bofur stared straight ahead because he was positive he was blushing._

_“Longbeard. Nori Longbeard.”_

_“I’m Bofur. You think you’re James Bond or something?”_

_“Nah, I’m much more suave. Think he could’ve kissed that good?”_

_“You called that_ good _?” He was teasing – it_ was _good, but it was nice to have Nori gasp in mock-indignation before kissing him again and asking if that was better (it was)._

_For first meetings, it was rather nice._

-

Standard protocol when returning to headquarters was to report to medical, and then to report to M.

Nothing about this mission was standard though.

As soon as they go to headquarters, medical staff was there to greet them as they carted off Bofur. 003 inserted himself with them, and quite simply refused to leave.

Nori watched Q’s concoction counteract the worst of the nazgul. Bofur’s eyes started to lose the glassy, unfocused look in favor of drooping in exhaustion. The croaking whimpers began to subside, and Nori felt relief unlike anything he’d ever experienced when he finally saw Bofur take an actual deep breath, and fall into a deep sleep. Nori took the hat out of his jacket pocket, and gently placed it on his husband's head while he slept. He fussed with it for a little, watching the heart monitor line as it slowly fell into a steady beat as the drug subsided.

He finally let his head rest against Bofur’s hip, and if any tears fell, then that was a secret between his eyes and the bedding.

-

As Bofur and 003 – _Nori_ now – left them, Q had meant to turn to 007 for their routine, ‘ _What did you do with my gadgets what do you mean you broke them,_ ’ but the moment Q saw him, he realized that wasn’t the way to go.

 _“I’m alright.”_ Ori whispered to Dwalin, wrapping his arms around him, “I’ve built an immunity to the worst of it. You should be proud, I was the one to unlock the door.”

Dwalin let out a chocked noise and pulled him in tightly. Ori made shushing noises and settled his head in Dwalin’s shoulder.

“From your front door.” Dwalin whispered after a moment. “ _How_ did they find you there?”

It was a question Ori was trying not to think about. That house had been in the Longbeard name since before _Gran_. It was now compromised and known. He, _Ori_ , was also compromised and _known_.

He squeezed Dwalin, and didn’t say a thing.

-

Thorin went through the motions like a man in shock. Without complaint, he followed the medical staff, sat where they told him, and didn’t protest as they inserted the mixture Ori had made into his arm.

Bilbo followed him silently, and took a seat next to him.

When the doctor left, Thorin stared at the IV, until Bilbo cleared his throat. Thorin startled, as if just realizing he was there.

“What did they inject me with?” Thorin asked him, and Bilbo winced at the quiet, detached tone he used.

“It’s called Nazgul – it’s a new drug. More addictive then cocaine, and potentially more deadly then heroin. It’s a finicky thing– dosages are dependent on height and weight, and the effects can range based on dosage amount and size of the user. Q- _Ori_ \- has been experimenting on it. We know kingsfoil mixed in saline solution cures the worst of it, and you _can_ build an immunity to it. That’s why it didn’t affect him as strongly. And they didn’t give you a lethal amount because of your size.”

Thorin took in the information, and let Bilbo’s words settle.

“I’m assuming you’re not a tailor.”

The non-sequitur made Bilbo start, until the words settled in. He shook his head, a smile breaking through in spite of everything.

“No, I’m not. I work for MI6 as an agent. My call sign is 002.”

“And I thought you were homely and simple.” Thorin deadpanned.

The laugh escaped Bilbo before he could stop it. Ashamed, he buried his face in his hands and tried to stifle his laughter – it was either this or cry, and now was not going to be a good time for tears. He _knew_ how inappropriate this was – Thorin was probably furious as he had _every right to be_ and they needed to be _talking_ about this-

Only Thorin was now laughing with him (experiencing the same hysterical reaction no doubt), and Bilbo decided they _could_ laugh for the time being.

It would probably be the last time they would laugh for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? Or any slice-of-life moments you'd like to see from Dori/Nori/Ori/Bilbo's lives.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot is starting to bear fruition, and things are falling into place and this is Very Exciting. Also, here are the ages of the characters if anyone is wondering: 
> 
> Ages:  
> Ori - 25  
> Bilbo - 30  
> Bofur - 32  
> Nori - 38  
> Dwalin - 39  
> Thorin - 40  
> Dori - 44
> 
> I received a request last chapter to show a little of Bilbo and Ori's childhoods in this world, I have a bit of Ori's story below.

_There was a time where Dori tried to give Ori a normal childhood in a conventional public school when he was little._

_He’s sure mother is still laughing at him about it, may she rest in piece._

_With the knowledge of hindsight, given who his mother and father (he was the head of Q branch and the smartest person Dori and Nori_ knew _) were, Ori_ never _had the chance to grow up even remotely ordinary._

_Ori rarely spoke as a child. He didn’t really have an official first word. Mother and his father took him to several of the doctors in MI6 medical, and some known pediatricians in the outside world (recommended by Bungo and Belladonna) to see why. But they could tell them nothing. Ori had no issues with hearing, and he wasn't mute. He just didn't speak._

_Until one day, when Dori, still a field agent, had been home in between missions, was sitting with Ori while he played with blocks. It struck him how Ori was using them to build diagrams in complex geometrical patterns._

_He said, “Ori darling, can you talk?”_

_The two-year-old looked up at him and said, “Yes I can, why do you ask?”_

_It was one of the few times he could remember mother laughing. Apparently that unintentional sass came from his father.  
_

_After her death, Dori settled into their town home and Ori began attending a nursery school not far from headquarters._

_This upset much of the staff, who had all gotten used to seeing the three-year-old whenever mother had come in (which had been nearly everyday. Though Dori was quick to remind them that "they were an organization dedicated to the protection of Her Majesty and the citizens of the United Kingdom and_ not _a daycare center"). But Ori didn’t do well in nursery school, and later primary. When the other children played on the jungle gym inside, Ori was building complicated structures with the duplos, and read multi-chapter books during nap-time. When kids teased or made fun of him, Ori retaliated by hiding their lunchboxes on the tops of bookshelves (which_ none _of them were tall enough to reach and the stepstool didn’t_ go _that high) or he took their homework and erased the answers._

 _After two years of_ that _nonsense, Dori knew when to fold and removed the five-year-old Ori from the school, and brought him into headquarters. When 003 returned from Sydney to find Ori coloring in Dori's office, he had teased Dori by asking if they had gone back to being a daycare after all, and if he could lead nap-time. M decided he was needed in Siberia for two weeks, and 003 stopped sassing him (at headquarters)._

 _In his defense, the resulting education Ori received was definitely better than any he could have found in the outside world. The intelligence analysts_ loved _him. Dori found several coming in on their days off to teach him physics, chemistry, and molecular biology. Ori hadn’t yet been eight at the time._

 _When he finally allowed Bilbo to go to the shooting range and actually practice (he was sixteen, and that had been the rule Dori had given said they couldn't shoot until they were sixteen because he and Ori needed a structure Dori and Nori hadn't had.) the lad brought Ori (who’d very recently turned eleven) with him. Dori had forbidden them from letting Ori shoot, and Ori was a good child and had no interest in learning before he was older. Bilbo performed well (too well - Dori knew Nori had given him lessons ‘behind his back’ as if Dori_ didn’t know _). After watching his brother practice, Ori had picked up a few unloaded guns and wandered away.  
_

_He spent his time dissembling and reassembling the guns, and then he built one that weighed half as much as what Bilbo used. The red-head handed it to him, and said, “Bilbo, try and shoot with this.” Bilbo did, and got the target (and the next twenty) in the dead center. He praised the gun, and several of the agents from Q branch who'd been on break absorbed Ori into their lab for the rest of the day, and the lad showed them how he made the gun. He also wound up re-wiring half the computers, and helped the then-head of Q branch mix several antidotes for spider venom (with gloves and masks on_ of course _\- Dori nearly_ killed _Q but when Ori ran up to him at the end of the day with such shining eyes, Dori knew in that moment Ori was staying in MI6 for good, but would never be a field agent).  
_

_Ori was his father’s son. There was never another option for him outside of this life, off the playing field._

-

Standard protocol dictated that mission debriefings were to be held in the meeting space in M’s office, once medical gave all involved agents the all-clear.

However, once it becomes apparent that 003 (though its more apt to say _Nori_ ) simply will _not_ leave medical, M decides to allow this exception.

Does M allow it? Or does Dori? At this point he’s not sure who he is anymore. The line between M and Dori Longbeard was blurring in ways these lines weren't meant to blur. There was supposed to be a moment when you could step off the playing field and go to the world on the outside. He _had_ to believe it was still possible. 

Q managed to get several of his minions to wheel in a monitor connected to his own laptop so they could still have their meeting.

007 occupied a chair near 003, trying to show comfort in the way of physical closeness. Granted, Dwalin hadn’t known about Bofur until literally less than 48 hours ago, but he’d known 003 since day one. They were reluctant best friends - practically brothers in the things they went through together, and M (and Dori) had always admired 007 (and Dwalin) for his unwavering loyalty and dedication.

Bilbo and Thorin were sitting at the other side of the room. Every now and then, Thorin will turn to him with a random question, now that he knew his lover’s real occupation (“ _So when you told me you had to go to New York_ -“ “ _I was stopping an assassination in Beijing_ , _I've really never gone to a fabric convention” "huh"_ ). M would normally _never_ allow civilians in a meeting such as this, but, for whatever reason, Thorin and Bofur had been taken in Q’s kidnapping. They were a part of this now. And 002 had _insisted_ on Thorin presence based on intel he'd found in the holding facility.

Nori didn’t look at any of them. He kept his eyes on Bofur, who was still asleep. The pulse/heart monitor was now beeping in a smooth, steady rhythm, which meant the worst part of the dosage were beginning to pass. But they didn't _know_ what the full effects of the drug were - they'd only known it existed for two weeks, never mind seeing its effects beyond Ori using small doses to create its antidote. And Bofur still looked dreadfully pale.

When Q dismissed his minions ( _who_ no doubt _will be gossiping with the rest of Q branch about Bofur and Thorin when they get back, which will put their lives on further display to the entire organization as if their family weren't such a spectacle to them all alread_ y), he sat at his computer to pull up the needed files.

007 slides his chair to him, and Dwalin wraps an arm around Ori, _(who always disapproves of public displays of affection)_ who leans into him as he types. Q looks up at M and nods when he’s ready.

M clears his throat and gives a small cough, which immediately gathers everyone’s attention. Except Bofur’s.

“What we know is this,” M began, “At 6:45 PM Friday evening, on October 23rd, Q’s identity became compromised." he continued on, ignoring the way Dwalin squeezed Ori, who further curled into him. "He was stunned and taken by six men wearing masks. In the process, two civilians – partners of 002 and 003 were taken as well for reasons unknown.

“After being taken, the three were injected with varying doses of nazgul, which up to this point had only been circulating in Southeast Asia and South America, though had been slowly moving farther north. Q overheard one of the henchman reference working for a ‘Necromancer.’

“At 9:15 PM, the same night, 00’s 2, 3, and 7 staged a successful rescue occupation. 003 and 007 caused a diversion which has made the base inoperable, while 002 gained intelligence.”

At this point, 002 rose with two items in his hands. One was a flash drive which he gave to Q, the other was a folder, which he handed to Dori.

At this point, 002 took over the briefing. “The flashdrive contains a cash flow, chemical formulas for the creation of nazgul, and a series of encrypted messages from a man calling himself ‘The Necromancer’ to known drug cartel lords in regions we’ve previously exposed to containing nazgul.”

“They put all that on one flashdrive?” Thorin spoke up, incredulous. That seemed incredibly idiotic.

He was treated to a blank stare by everyone else in the room, save Bofur.

“Darling, they had it scattered, of course. I hacked their computers to take the relevant information.” Bilbo explained gently, when no one else spoke up.

“But.. you were only there for, what, ten, fifteen minutes?” Thorin spluttered. They had to have some of the most secure cyber security in the world, if Dori was actually insinuating that base he, Bofur, and Ori ( _Q?_ ) had been taken to was the source of an international drug trade.

“Yes.” Bilbo replied simply.

“I wasn’t going to bring it up,” M said, “But, 002, I’ll need you to retrain with Q. You’re hacking speed has been slipping.” Thorin’s eyes widened when Bilbo ever-so-slightly slumped and _agreed_.

He then rallied himself and continued. “To summarize, it seems that this Necromancer is the reason behind nazgul’s existence. But that doesn’t tell us how he learned of Q’s identity, and why he was kidnapped. Or why Thorin and Bofur were taken as well.

“I did, however, discover these.” He approaches M for the folder, who hands to him. Bilbo pulled out a paper, and handed it to Thorin.

003 and 007 exchanged confused glances, and then looked back at him. Thorin stares at the paper, his eyebrows knit in confusion. “Thorin is holding an address for a drop.” 002 explained. "It was the only address listed in this country."

Thorin looked up at him, “But this is my accounting firm.”

The silence rests on them like a weight.

“So nazgul’s in London.” 007 states.

“According to what we know now, it’s always been in London.” M added.

003 swore.

Q doesn’t look up from his computer, but adds, “We need to know why Thorin’s office is being included in all this. And if that could relate back to the kidnapping.”

At this point, the agents look to M, whose lips are pursed. He looks straight at Thorin.

“You are not an agent.” M says to him. “I can’t order you to do anything. But we can’t progress, or find answers, unless we can enter your firm. I can have 002 gain access alone, and gather info, but with your assistance it will be easier.”

Thorin doesn't answer him right away. He lets his gaze turn to Bilbo. His boyfriend is pointedly not looking at him – instead he’s looking straight ahead, and solemn. Thorin follows his gaze, and he sees Bofur lying in the bed – so very still. When he and Bilbo first started dating, Bilbo introduced him to Bofur first, before his adopted brothers. Bofur had been the one to make him feel welcome in this tight-knit family, and helped pave the way for the Longbeard brothers to accept him.

And Bilbo needed him. In this, at least, he could be useful.

“If I can help take these bastards down, I’ll help.” He answered, looking back at Dori.

His lips gave a slight twitch. “Well then. Let’s get you two suited up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's a moment you'd like to see from any of their lives, leave a comment below!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We didn't get to move into the break in, but we are establishing some of the background knowledge needed to move us closer to how this is all going down. That's all I'm gonna say *evil laugh*
> 
> Thank you ALL for the Kudos and kind words. 
> 
> Also I wanted to post this in the morning, but I had to get to work. But now that I AM home from work (at freaking 8:30 AT NIGHT) I'm happy to be posting this :)

_It took Fili and Kili time to like Bilbo._

_In their defense, they were young boys with very modern interests (movies, television, team sports) and a man that didn’t own a tv, crocheted for a hobby, and only played_ conkers _wasn’t going to appeal to children straight away, if ever. There was nothing Thorin could have done to spin it better to his dubious family. Bilbo was, however, so infallibly polite and kind that it slowly wore down Thorin’s originally unimpressed family. He was an incredible listener, and always brought the most delicious baked goods whenever he’d visit – no two were alike._

_It only took him two months to wear down Fili and Kili (and thus winning over Dis), and Thorin was impressed._

_The boys took Bilbo under their wing, and forced him to have a “Movie-cation” (to use Kili’s exact words) and were now showing him the_ Back to the Future _films. Having seen them one too many times, Dis and Thorin retreated to the backyard with a handful of the chocolate chip scones Bilbo had made them._

_“What do you two even talk about?” She asked in between bites. “His tastes are so… narrow.”_

_“He likes to explore, and try new things.” Thorin said, and then shoved her when she made a face at him. “My god Dis no! Like… last week we went to a Thai place because he’d never had before. And he’ll listen to CD’s I give him. He knows a lot of languages – I can now swear in German, Spanish, and Hebrew.”_

_Dis snorted. “I couldn’t imagine Bilbo knowing swear words. He seems like the type to keep a swear jar for_ himself _.”_

 _“Bilbo_ hates _swear jars. His adopted brother, Dori, had them for his younger brother Nori and made him and Ori use it to set an example. Dori even showed it to me when it got brought up last Sunday. He_ still _has it.” He looked over to see his sister giving him a weird smile._

_“What?”_

_“Nothing, nothing. You… just_ really _like him.”_

_Thorin blinked. “Well, yes.”_

_“And you care about his brothers?”_

_He shifted. “Bilbo’s parents died when he was eleven, but Dori was good friends with his parents and adopted him as his legal guardian. Nori took him under his wing, and Bilbo helped them with Ori. They… they’re connected. You can’t just date one without being a part of all their lives.”_

_That had been something Bofur drilled into him when they’d first met. Truer words had never been spoken._

_Dis spoke up after a stretch of silence. “It’s nice he has a family. Sometimes I… well, I worry that when he stays cooped up making clothes, he really doesn’t see that much of the world."_

_“So do I.” Thorin agreed._

-

Thorin had never been so wrong in his life.

 _Bilbo_ hadn’t been the one cooped up from the world. All this time, it had been _Thorin_. _Thorin_ who had the boring job, the boring life. Bilbo didn’t just know four languages. He knew at least _twenty_. He could hack the most secure computers in the time it took him to make a waffle. His shooting rate was one of the best at MI6 apparently.

He still crocheted, and wore the knitted jumpers his younger brother made him.

Thorin still had trouble piecing it together.

It most likely wasn’t the best idea to be sending him on a mission since his head had been spinning the moment he had seen his boyfriend climb into a van from a building Thorin had been _imprisoned_ in and reported, “ _Building secure, enemy agents down_.”

Thorin had also been extremely turned on, but knew that wasn’t an appropriate response.

And yes, part of him really wanted to see Bilbo in action, and see this side of his life.

So many things about him were making more sense ( _he hadn’t been to the Thai place because he’d been to Thailand and didn’t want to disrespect the culture with imitation food, in the way that Panda Express wasn’t really Chinese_ ) and Thorin wanted to see it _all_ before he was shut out, like he’d been before. It could also distract him from Bofur, who was still unconscious and should be recovering but was _not_.

After Dori dismissed them, Ori led him and Bilbo down a series of hallways until they came to a lab. Though it was a lab unlike any Thorin had ever seen. For one, there were several mice in cages on one table. Mice in a lab was technically normal, but Thorin was almost positive mice _weren’t_ supposed to have any variation of wings, spit fire, or change colors like a few were doing. There was a pen with a glass encasing over it, and the warning label read: _Do Not Pull Cap. Is A Grenade_. Another station had a sign that just read: _Not For 007_.

“You’re still withholding equipment from him?” Bilbo asked Ori in amusement when Thorin pointed out the 007 table.

Ori rolled his eyes. “If he is going to act disrespectful to my equipment, he doesn’t get the good toys.”

Thorin must have looked visibly confused, because Ori softened his expression as he explained, “Dwalin’s code name is 007… he has this pattern of losing or breaking the gadgets I give him before missions. And they cost us a lot of money. We are a government agency after all – we aren’t loaded.” He and Bilbo laughed as if this were an inside joke.

Thorin looked around at the lab, and remembered the many sleek and expensive looking cars in the garage they had passed upon arriving several hours before. It didn't _seem_ like they had no money. 

“You two will be leaving for Blue Mountain Bank in nine hours, from headquarters, to arrive precisely by 8:00 the next morning. Because it is a Saturday, and Thorin’s day off, _you_ ” Ori turned his gaze to Thorin, “Will make an excuse for needing to be there. You will say you were missing paperwork, or had forgotten to sign something. You will take 002 with you to your office, and allow him access to your work computer. Because your office-mate will not be there, you shouldn’t need to cause any sort of diversion. Nevertheless, as M always says, we must be prepared.”

“Any new toys for me?” Bilbo (002?) asked hopefully.

Ori gave him a fond look. “For my favorite agent? Always.”

Ori went to a few different tables to collect various items. Thorin looked around and noticed several people hanging around the lab that hadn’t been there before, and who were very pointedly _not_ looking at them.

He nudged Bilbo, who followed his gaze and rolled his eyes. “Those are Q’s minions. They work in Q branch. Horrible gossips, the lot of them.”

“Horrible gossips that will have to repair 007’s gadgets if _they do not get back to work_.” Ori _(Q?)_ called, his voice getting louder until it was a shout, and the workers scattered to return to their workstations like a child doing their chores after a scolding from a parent.

Ori had always struck Thorin as someone meek and timid. Bilbo had always treated him like a dear little brother, and with an eight year age gap, this made sense. The youngest Longbeard brother enjoyed knitting jumpers, scarves, hats, and gloves. He’d told Thorin that he worked in the Special Collections Archives at the Museum of Natural History in London, which Thorin took to mean he was socially awkward.

Thorin had been forced to do a lot of re-defining in how he saw Ori in the last few hours. The man had been able to break out of a holding cell while drugged with a bobby pin and a pair of shoelaces.

Q returned to them with several items, to protest with a flourish.

“For your enjoyment, I have prepared the following: a flash-drive (with a retractable knife and heat beam), glasses (the frames will spot any heat signatures of any people nearby, and will heat slightly from proximity to another gun because of the matching metals – airport security was inspired by me)-“ 002 snorted and Q raised his eyebrow in a, ‘ _will you let me finish_ ’ sort of way, until the agent quieted.

“These shoes will serve as an emergency phone if your cells do not work. Do _not_ remove the caps of these pens because they will explode – blast radius is twenty feet so I hope your aim travels Thorin. _These_ pens are safe – if you remove the caps you have a knife. Don’t look at me like that 002 they are color-coded. These pens – _color-coded 002_ – are poisonous if you need. And of course, you’ll be using Sting.”

“You fixed _Sting_?” 002 asked, and his voice and shining eyes reminded him of Kili asking about presents on Chistmas.

“Of course, you never forget your first.” Q said wistfully, and handed over the smallest gun Thorin had ever seen. 002 cradled it lovingly.

“Sting was the first gun I ever made,” Q explained to him, with all the pride of a new parent. “I also have something else that’s new.”

As he left to gather a few last minute things, 002 began pocketing the various items Q had shown them in various pockets – pants, vest, waistcoat – for varying levels of easy access. Then he hesitated.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure which to give you. They’re very dangerous. And this is new for you.”

Thorin half-spluttered, and half-laughed. “Bil-002- I spent the last few hours kidnapped and drugged. I can handle remembering red pens mean poison, green mean grenade, and black are knives.”

Despite being one of the deadliest agents in the world, 002 managed to blush innocently, and handed him a few of the pens. Q returned with a few undershirts and jackets.

Thorin gawked at the undershirts. They were so _bright_. And _silver_.

“I call it mithril.” Q caressed the fabric, before handing them each a shirt. 002 cooed over the silky material.

“Mithril?” Thorin asked, taking his in hand.

“A new element I found,” Q waved off with a careless sweep of the hand. “It’s very dense, highly durable. Works better then a bullet-shield because it can protect your entire torso. 002 that’s yours to keep” here 002 let out a squeal and Thorin _really was_ reminded of a child on Christmas “But Thorin I’ll need that one back – that one’s 007’s. And these suit-jackets will protect you similarly. Again, Thorin take good care of this. I don’t even tolerate the proper owner of these items ruining them.”

“He isn’t kidding,” 002 added, taking a break from making doe-eyes at the undershirt and waist-coat he’d been given, “003 – Nori by the way – didn’t bring back a gun he'd made and Q cursed with him with red lights whenever he drove alone for three _months_.”

Thorin needed to sit down.

-

They were then led to a secluded room in the Medical wing until they were expected to leave the next morning for BMB. Dori had taken steps to make the room look more homey then a sterile hospital style room, but changing the bedding and adding plants didn’t make the white walls and uncomfortable bed seem any more inviting. And Thorin wasn’t very tired anyway.

He’d taken off his suit and stripped down to his boxers, sitting in the bed while Bilbo had gone into the bathroom to change – he’d apparently had a change of clothes on hand for M to give from the nights he’d spent there before. Thorin contented himself with borrowing one of 007’s suits the next day for the mission.

The mission.

007's attire.

He was almost like _James Bond_.

Bilbo walked out of the room in his dressing gown to catch him snorting to himself.

“Something amusing you?” He climbed into the bed and it took a little maneuvering in the narrow bed, but he settled against Thorin’s side with a contented sigh.

“Just thinking of what Dis would say if she could see me tomorrow. I’ll be a secret agent for the day. You’re an _actual_ secret agent. And I had no idea.” Guilt flashed across Bilbo’s face.

“I.. _am_ sorry I never told you. I know sorry isn’t quite good enough though. But you _have_ to understand, _no one_ is supposed to know about what we really do. And you can’t tell your family about any of this.”

“Thought as much.” Thorin said with a shrug.

Bilbo still looked worried. “Thorin… you know none of this is glamorous, right? Yes, the suits are flashy, the toys are unique, and the code-names give an air of intrigue but… this isn’t real. Going out into the field is mess. It doesn’t end well for agents.” The look in his face was too raw for him to be speaking generically.

But Thorin began to piece two and two together. “Bilbo… why did Dori adopt you?” It was the first question he’d asked that night that Bilbo couldn’t answer right away. He lay his head down on Thorin shoulder.

Into his shoulder, Bilbo muttered, “My parents were both agents. One day, they both left on a mission, and they never returned. They were the rule, not the exception. Nori and I… we’re different from the family. We go out in the field in ways Dori and Ori don't. We built lives outside of the field as a way to remind ourselves not to get caught up in all this. So we could remember why we need to come back. You and Bofur help ground us… and you were almost _killed_. Bofur _still_ hasn’t-“ His voice choked suddenly, and he hid his face as his body shook with tremors and tears. Thorin had no words – instead he held Bilbo closer.

Sleep didn’t come easy to either of them.

-

At three in the morning, Bofur began seizing on his bed in Medical. His body temperature went back to hypothermic levels, and he began yelling nonsense in hysteric sobs.

Nori had never been so scared in his life.

The room became a whirlwind of movement and action. Several of their doctors had rushed in, and in between the yelling and screaming they managed to secure Bofur – once he stopped seizing – and began checking for further symptoms.

But Nori _couldn’t_ relax when he saw the doctors because the yelling was _still_ happening, and Bofur was shaking (another seizure? Was he cold?) and Dwalin was pulling him away and why was there so much _shouting_ -

It wasn’t until Dwalin slapped him that he realized _he’d_ been the one screaming.

“If you can’t stay calm they won’t let you stay with him,” the other man hissed. Nori buried his face in his hands, and then looked up.

“You’re right, you’re right.” He took a breath.

“Of course I’m right.” Dwalin scoffed. “Want to shoot things?”

That was usually how they cooled down after missions together. It was a satisfying de-stressor without actually having to talk to each other. It was their favorite way to hang out with each other.

Nori shook his head, but Dwalin hadn’t expected him to agree.

There weren’t seats in the hallways or any waiting rooms – it wasn’t a hospital after all – so they leaned against the wall outside and stayed.

Dori joined them not long after, and neither of them said anything. He simply pulled Nori into a hug, and it was a testament to how drained Nori was that he just leaned into it without complaint.

They didn’t look like brothers, but Dwalin had no idea how he could have missed it all those years. Maybe it was because M scolded them _all_ like a disappointed older brother, yet was also just as quick to praise when they did well.

Ori joined them too – his minions must have told him about what had happened – and he leaned against Dwalin.

“Getting kidnapped and brought to headquarters after hours doesn’t mean you get to work overtime in that little lab of yours.” Dori mildly scolded, arms staying around Nori. “You were supposed to outfit 002 and Thorin and head back to bed. We’re _supposed_ to be working you _down_ to ten hour days - we've talked about this.”

“I’m pretty sure that means nothing coming from _you_.” Dwalin noted dryly. Ori laughed.

Dori narrowed his eyes at him. “I _will_ send you to North Korea.”

The banter managed to relax Nori, as it had been intended to. But they all tensed when the head Doctor stepped outside to speak with them. Nori stepped away from his brother as M folded his arms impassively.

“Yes, Elrond?” He asked.

Dr. Elrond was their head of medical staff, and quite possibly one of the best doctors in the world. He was Bofur’s best ( _only_ ) chance.

“We’re working with someone who has been overdosed with a drug we know next-to-nothing about.” Dr. Elrond stated, which they already knew. “From the few cases we’ve studied; temporary blindness, seizures, hallucinations, and hypothermia are all fairly common side affects. But what we do not know is how this will effect someone who has been overdosed, or what kind of long term effects this will cause. We also know the drug is highly addictive, and we've seen a few go insane from prolonged exposure. He’s stable for now, but will have to stay for at least a few days longer so we can monitor any potential withdrawal effects.”

This wasn’t a surprise to any of them, but the reminder about the potential insanity and long term addiction left them feeling cold.

“Can I-“ Nori broke off, cleared his throat, and started again, “Can I go back in?”

Before Dr. Elrond could finish saying “yes,” Nori had brushed passed him to wait back in the room.

“I will check on him every half an hour to administer Q’s cure – in fact I’d like to work with him now to see if we can try to make the dosage more potent.”

“Permission granted.” M said, and the Doctor nodded as he and Q disappeared to his lab.

M swallowed, and made to leave, before turning back to Dwalin. “You should get some sleep, 007.” He said. Then he left. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Bofur. I love you so much, but because you're one of my favorites, things like this happen to you. As you can imagine, the affects of Nazgul are influenced by a combination of the Morgul Blade and Black Breath, both weapons the Nazgul has at its disposal. 
> 
> As always, any slice of life requests can be submitted.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Halloween, I bring you: A chapter with actual action! Yay!!!
> 
> And a little of Bilbo's backstory.

_One day, in July, Bilbo hugged his mother and father as they went off to work._

_That was the last time he ever saw them._

_He was eleven, and hadn’t been bothered by being left at Dori’s while they went off to wherever it was their mission took them (whenever he asked, father always said a made-up place like Narnia, and mother always said Canada). He was used to going to Dori's when both his parents were called away - he had a second bedroom right next to Ori's. And he wouldn't be bored -there was summer homework to preoccupy his time, and he helped Dori and Nori by looking after Ori, who was five. Almost six - the boy would be very quick to remind Bilbo. It was very cute._

_Bilbo enjoyed spending time with them. He and Ori would go to Dori into headquarters, but did their homework while Dori worked as M. Because Ori had been good and ate his greens the previous night, Bilbo was letting Ori help him with the trigonometry one of the intelligence agents had left them. Ori liked the math exercises the agents gave Bilbo, so they worked on it together, even though it meant Ori was procrastinating on the French Nori was teaching them.  
_

_Then M came to their table, and sat down with them. Both boys looked up at him in shock – M wasn’t their guardian. Dori took them into headquarters, let them sit at M's meeting table, and drove them home. They were not to disturb M otherwise. M never let them talk to him when he worked. This violated Rules._

_M never said anything to them with any kind of tone - M reflected indifference at all times. Dori would smile or frown and do all the things a caring big brother did._

_M looked at him with sadness, and pity._

_“Bilbo," he said cautiously, "something bad just happened.”_

_And his world fell out from under him._

-

_The life of being anything other then a field agent never crossed his mind. There were some at MI6 who thought that after the funeral Bilbo would walk out of their doors and go back to the relatives outside of the Field, in the normal world, and wash his hands of them. Those people were fools._

_For Bilbo, the field – being an agent – was the last link he had to his parents. After their deaths, Dori tried to immerse him and Ori into the normal world, and encouraged them to go to public school and socialize with other children. It had been a nightmare. And Bilbo knew that there was no other life for him, if he couldn’t be out there, continuing on the work that his mother and father had done._

_Dori created rules and boundaries that made this a difficult thing to achieve at first, but Nori helped him learn despite that. He and Nori had a bond. Nori had decided to enter the field after his mother died, just as Bilbo had. He would just have to wait a few years until he was nineteen – that’s how old Nori had been._

_In the meantime, Nori showed him and Ori how to shoot (but Ori would get too distracted taking the guns apart and building other ones, but he gave him and Nori the new guns so that was fine), how to pick locks, how to weaponized computers, how to break into cars, how to disappear in the middle of the day, and how to pull off a succession of different characters in an hour. All the useful things a big brother would know._

_It certainly paid off by the time Bilbo was ready to begin official training. M had, in honor of his mother, dubbed him 002 – and there was no way he could fail her legacy. Nori had certainly prepared him well – he went through the sessions with an ease almost frightening for others to behold. Nori had been absurdly proud, until 002 beat his record at the shooting range. Then it was war._

_For 002’s first mission in the field, M paired him with 007 and 003. His higher ups had complained (as they always did) about pinning someone so… un-agent-like (the kindest thing they said about 002) to work with their best team out. As usual, M had been correct to put them together._

_They had a chemistry that the Three Musketeers dreamed of emulating._

\--

Whenever he had the choice ( _he never had the choice_ ) 002 always preferred going into a mission with another 00 agent. It was always nicest to go onto the playing field with another strategist – someone to weight all possible options with before picking a best possible route. 007 was the best to do this with, because they saw things so differently, and had completely different styles in how they carried out orders. For break-ins, he preferred 003 because they were both quiet and crafty (but he was the better agent because 003 was old and he was _younger_ and _better_ \- that was at least their little feud.)

Either of them would have been the ideal candidate today.

Thorin was not.

This is not to say that Bilbo didn’t love Thorin. He did. Thorin was charming, funny, endearing, and had always been a wonderful boyfriend. But Thorin wasn’t prepared. He was completely in over his head, and ill-equipped to handle today. Bilbo had no idea how he’d handle himself in a crisis (he couldn’t use the kidnapping as an example – those men had captured Ori and he'd been caught in the crossfire), or what he’d do if they were shot at.

Bilbo loved Thorin.

002 thought he was burden.

Before they’d left that morning, Bilbo had given him as quick of a run-down as he could. (“ _Do not use names. Don’t use more words then necessary. Be funny, but forgetful. Never break eye-contact, but don’t stare at them. Don’t use my name unless absolutely necessary. If I give you an order, follow it_ ”) Bless him, Thorin nodded along, but 002 had no way of knowing if he’d retained any of it.

In an effort to appear casual, they waited until 8:22 in the morning before entering the bank. 002 made a show of acting as a disgruntled lover, upset about coming into a place of business on a Saturday so early when they were supposed to be meeting Dori for brunch in a few hours, and on Nori’s birthday no less.

(No wonder Thorin hadn’t realized Bilbo lived a double life – his acting was incredible)

To play along, Thorin snarked back that they spent too much time at Dori’s anyway, and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to an afternoon of being criticized for doing everything wrong under the sun.

(002 was beginning to come around to Thorin on missions – right after he stopped getting turned on by how nice he looked in 007’s suit, and how well he played his part.)

The fighting had the benefit of making everyone else very uncomfortable (which was fun regardless), and kept them from being stopped as they made their was to the staff elevator (which technically Bilbo wasn't allowed in), and took it to Thorin’s floor.

( _Once they realized they were alone in the elevator, their lips and hands found each other, which had been unprofessional, but so lovely until_ -)

“Ow!” They both hissed, jumping apart as a screeching noise filled their eardrums.

‘ _Terribly sorry_.’ Q didn’t sound sorry at all, Thorin thought petulantly. He wished he could take out that stupid earpiece Q had made them wear, but it was necessary for communication. ‘ _Were you two in the middle of something_?’

“Cheeky bugger.” Bilbo snapped, as Thorin found his footing.

' _Tut tut 002_.' Q chided. _'Such a mouth on you. What would M say.’_

' _For you both to stop chatting and work_.’ M snapped, and 002 and Q quieted.

“Is it always like this?” Thorin whispered, as the elevator neared his floor.

“Oh it’s much worse.” 002 replied, and he breezed ahead of Thorin when the doors opened.

‘Thorin, Gloin is at your office today.’ Q spoke up, and Thorin cursed. 002 _needed_ to be at his computer. They needed Gloin _out_. What was he even doing there anyway?

“Dori only wants us to be happy, and with us together for two years and still not married he isn’t exactly sure what we’re doing anymore.” 002 snapped, and Thorin could kiss him. _Fight_. _Brilliant_.

“Not this again!”

“ _Yes_ this again!”

Thorin started to rant about marriage not being the right idea just yet as he opened the door, and pretended to be shocked and embarrassed to find Gloin at his desk on the other side of their office.

“Gloin?” He asked.

“Thorin?” the red-head looked up to see them in the doorway.

“What brings you in here?” Thorin asked, trying to remain calm.

‘ _I’ll get him away. Stall for me. I need four minutes.’_

It was difficult for Thorin to focus when Q was communicating into his ear as Gloin went on about needing to get contracts ready for Gundabad investments before the merger.

“It seems like everyone here just loves to come into work on Saturdays.” 002 commented, and Thorin turned to glare at him.

“How long do you plan on going on about this?”

“How long to you plan on putting _work_ before your _relationship_?”

“I’m sorry we can’t _all_ work from home as tailors.”

“Is this about you making more then me?”

“Did I say anything like that?”

“You don’t have to – your face said it all!”

“Gloin does it sound like I implied that?” Thorin turned his attention to him. He was taking a gamble that Gloin would be too uncomfortable to stay when directly brought into their fright. 002 caught on.

“Gloin, please tell him that there’s nothing wrong with my brother being concerned about a relationship that had made no progress in _two years_.”

 _‘Got it._ ’

“Sir!” Their intern, Gimli, Gloin's son who was working with them over the summer, appeared in the doorway. “We have a lawyer from Gundabad on the phone. She sounds really angry!”

“I’ll take care of it!” Gloin was very quick to jump up and follow the assistant out.

_‘You two owe 004 a strawberry crepe for making her work today – she does the best German dialect.’_

“Q you’re a doll.” 002 breezed, typing at Thorin’s computer while the accountant locked the door.

 _‘You say that to all the geniuses_.’

“No no darling, you’re a special one. If we were both unnatatched-”

 _‘Stop this now.’_ That was M.

Thorin had a feeling Ori was snickering on the other end alongside 002. He turned to face the door, the ceiling, the floor, half-expecting something to leap out at him. After a few minutes, he saw his boyfriend frown at the computer screen.

“Nothing. There’s nothing here.”

_‘Wait. I have something.’_

Both men looked at each other. “Q?”

_‘I’m getting a signature. It’s… it’s below you. It’s below the building.’_

002 pursed his lips. “It’s the sewers, isn’t it.”

_‘Of course it is.’_

“You aren’t my favorite anymore.”

_‘I’ll find a way to survive.’_

_‘Chatter.’_ M chastised.

-

Meanwhile, Gloin was dealing with one of the Gundabad representatives growling about their contract being an offense to her entire organization, and how their Director Bolg would not stand for it. During one of her rants in German, he moved the phone away from his ear and sighed. Gimli gave him a worried look.

“I’m sorry about this dad.”

Gloin smiled at his son. “Don’t worry about it. Believe me, this was a welcome break from Thorin an Bilbo yelling at each other. Maybe by the time I’m off this call they’ll stop fighting.”

"It sounded pretty bad," Gimli agreed. Gloin sighed. 

"They just need to learn more open and honest ways of communicating how they feel. That's what a relationship takes when things get nasty." 

-

Thorin gagged when 002 opened the pothole behind the building. 002 descended down, and Thorin took a moment to remember how to breathe. After a moment, 002 popped back up and tossed something over to Thorin. He caught it reflexively, and let a breath of relief wash over him. It was a nose-plug.

“I love you.” Thorin said, and Bilbo smiled at him.

 _‘Oh darling, I'm quite fond but I'm already attached._ ’ Q sighed.

“Shut up.” 002 hissed and this time Thorin heard the snicker. He put the plug on and followed after his boyfriend.

“You know," Thorin reflected, "Working on Saturdays, doing this kind of grunt-work; I think my family is mistaken on which of us has the more grueling work schedule.” Thorin said lightly.

002 snorted. “No dear, that’s still you. I’m just a simple tailor.”

‘ _Talking_.’ M snapped again.

They fell into a silence, the only sounds they heard were Q’s directions, the _drip-drip-drip_ of water and their own footsteps.

 _‘Stop. It should be straight ahead.’_ 002 removed the glasses Q had given them last night, and replaced them with a different set ( _x-ray_ , he’d told Thorin earlier) and squinted ahead.

“I see a vial.” 002 said. “Moving closer.”

_‘Careful. I’m not picking up heat signatures.’_

“Slipping?” 002 quipped. 

_‘You better hope not.’_

002 motioned for Thorin to stay where he was. Thorin wanted to keep going, but remembered how Bilbo told him that this was not the time to argue. So he hung back in the shadow against the wall as 002 moved closer. Finally, 002 was at the location of the vial. He leaned down to pick it up, and then was tackled to the ground.

002 wrestled with him and Thorin made to run over but a _‘stay’_ from Q made him stop dead. _‘Interference will make it worse.’_ Thorin reluctantly stayed. 

The figure who attacked Bil- _002_ was hissing and snarling. It sounded almost _inhuman_ , but the shape of the figure was definitely human. Thorin wanted to assume male based on the build, but couldn’t tell from how far away he was.

002 managed to pin the other person to the ground, their voices echoing around.

The other person had a raspy, snarling voice. “Give us the _precious_. Gives it to us.”

“Who are you? Why are you here?”

“ _Needs it. Needs it_.”

“Not until you tell me who you are.”

The other figure – the voice at least seemed male but that really didn’t mean anything – coughed as if hacking a lung. “Gollum Gollum. Smeagol will take. He will take it and eats you whole!”

“That’s not physically possible.”

Thorin snorted.

“Give us the _precious_.” Smeagol? cooed at the word ‘precious.’

“How about this, I’ll give it to you if you can tell me three things.”

“Not fair!” The person wailed, starting to beat the ground. “ _Tricks_! It _tricks_ us!”

“First thing,” 002 said, “Why do you buy this here?"

" _Down in the deep of goblin town_." Smeagol sang, "They gives it to me. I give them smarts." Then he wailed and bashed his head into the ground under him. " _Shut up_!" 

 

"What do you tell them?"

"Many thingses. Where to make more. And they gives it to me - gives me more. And I watch after the son!"

"The son? Who's the son?"

The sound of a shot being fired interrupts them, and 002 looks to the left to see men in the distance.

"Goblins!" Smeagol yells, "Thiefs! Here! They _stole_ it from me!"

' _Run_ ' Q snaps, but 002 and Thorin are already racing away.

 

-

It took a hefty bit of cajoling and mollifying, but Gloin and the representative finally hung up on agreeable terms. He thanked Gimli for coming to get him, and promised they'd be leaving very soon. Reluctantly, he trekked back to his office, rather scared of what he'd find, but neither Bilbo or Thorin were there.

He hoped, wherever they'd gone off to, they weren't still fighting.

-

Thorin and 002 raced through the pathways neither of them talking as they outrun the henchmen referred to as 'Goblins' - most likely workers under this mysterious 'Necromancer'. The only voice they hear is Q's, as he instructs _Left, Right, Right, Left, Right_ , until they came to another way out. Q tells them to climb, and they raced to the top and 002 slammed the pothole shut before the henchmen could figure out where they vanished. He whips out the laser pen to weld it shut.

_'002, Thorin, take the red car back to headquarters. Go the long way to lose any trail.'_

"Got it."

Thorin understood what Bilbo meant about how inglorious it all was. They _reeked_. 

"Bet you wish we had brunch with Dori now." 002 quipped as they strapped themselves into the car.

Thorin snorted. "I wish we were at one of your _knitting_ conventions now." 

_'Chatter.'_

-

Nori watched Bofur open his eyes and panic. He had a moment of panic too until he saw that Bofur’s eyes were dazed but alert, and the panic wasn’t from another hallucination (which he’d received every hour while seizing since that moment at three in the morning) but because he was hyper-aware of the needle in his arm (for the IV) and the tube in his nose (for nutrients).

“Shhh, you’re okay.” He said, leaning over his husband’s body to place a hand on the wrist with the IV, so he wouldn’t move it. “Don’t move your arm – you were injected with a drug, and this is helping you right now.”

It was unclear how much he’d remember – they’d seen different reports of people who injected, and some reported memory loss while under the affects. Given the overdose, and the confusion of the kidnapping when they’d been injected, there was a slight chance Bofur would recall nothing of the last few days. Nori wasn’t sure if he preferred that or not.

He watched Bofur tried to speak, but couldn’t seem to make words happen. Involuntarily, his eyes started to almost-tear in frustration. Nori reached over to place a hand on his face.

“It’s alright, go back to sleep,” He urged, thumb stroking his cheek, but Bofur shook his head, looking frustrated. His lips were moving, making the same motions, and Nori leaned down to hear what was being whispered. 

“ _M-moria…m-moria_ ”

"Moria?" He asked, and Bofur nodded. He stopped trying to speak and looked relieved that he'd been heard.

"That was something they said?"

Another nod.

So he remembered the kidnapping. He possibly even remembered more details before the drugging that Q and Thorin did not. Nori wanted to press for more, but Bofur had already fallen back asleep. 

He leaned back, frowning, and asked for a nurse to page M.

-

M waited until 002 and his companion were out of immediate danger before heading back to medical.

He glanced at Bofur, and was pleased to see that the modifications Dr. Elrond had made with Q to his cure seemed to be working much better. Bofur was beginning to regain color. Nori didn't look much happier though, from where he was curled up in his chair.

“I heard he woke up.” M said, but Nori didn't reply.

Dori took a seat next to his brother. 

"It won't be overnight, but he'll get better. We'll make sure of it."

Nori didn’t look over at Dori.

“What was Moria?”

He jumped at the gasp Dori made. Looking over, he took a double-take at the look of horror on Dori’s face.

"Where did you hear that?" He asked. Nori stared at him in confusion.

"Bofur said it. Something the kidnappers said."

“He said Moria?” Dori clarified, and Nori nodded. It was unlike Dori to ask for repetition. “What does it mean?” he asked. 

Dori looked pained. “Nori… Moria was the last mission Mother oversaw. An agent died on it. The previous 007.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialouge - thou art thy nemesis. 
> 
> We'll get to see more of Bofur, don't worry. He's too precious to be unconscious for this whole story. And I promise there will be more Nori too - he's too good of an agent to stay cooped up very long. I'll give him some action in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has read, kudos'd, and commented!!!! The support is really encouraging!

_Agents don’t get a happily ever after._

_They don’t get long marriages, grandchildren, or retirement._

_Most die overseas, with no chance at recovering a body. With no one knowing their true identity or everything that they had done for the betterment of their country. Agents understand the sacrifices when joining, and many choose to forsake friends and family when joining. The Longbeard family (including the Baggins family) was the exception in how they stayed together and made their family work._

_007 – the former 007 – had been one of those that did not have friends or family, or attachments off the Field. He was normal – as normal as an agent could be, anyway._

_From his time as 005, Dori hadn’t worked with him – 007 preferred working alone whenever possible. But 007 was a legend. Whenever Dori went out with Bungo and Belladonna (they used to get drinks every Thursday whenever more than one of them was in the country), they whispered about him like he was that Regina George character Nori would go on about from that movie he liked._

_Then Argentina happened._

_There were a group of Nazi hopefuls – hiding in Argentina – who wanted to use soviet-grade nuclear weaponry and destroy nearly every country in the Middle East – and blame the whole thing on Russia to bring on World War Three._

_It was the sort of worst cliché, but that was the situation._

_007 and 003 had been on the case – and 005 watched from over M’s shoulder as she and the then-Q directed them._

_005, a fly on the wall over M’s shoulder, had been there through every step of this mission. It was part of his training to be the next M – as if any amount of training could possibly prepare him enough. It would be this M’s last assignment before she had the baby, and he became the next M. Their family was taking MI6 by storm. Mother would be one of the first to actually retire and raise her children. He was going to be their youngest M - he was only in his twenties. The rule had always been that agents couldn’t live their own lives off of the field, but his friends, 002 and 003, were proving all their critics wrong by raising their beautiful boy, Bilbo._

_005 felt on top of the world. He was a member of one of the most premiere secret organization, and there was a whole fleet of top-of-the-line equipment designed by their genius Q branch (which his step-father worked in), the smartest men and women worked with them (it wasn’t bias if it was true), and they had the best agents (also not bias). From his view of the screen, 007 crawled through their base with 003. 003 dismantled power sources one after the next, while 007 covered him on defense as members on the base came out to shoot at them. He watched as 007 – the agent who tied with 002 for best shot – killed whoever shot at them with one bullet each._

_“Waste not,” he’d quipped after the third skirmish._

_005 snorted. M shot him a look and he schooled his features back into disinterested neutrality, to best match her._

_Finally, he made it to the main source. The room looked like that climactic scene from the Star Wars movie – where Luke learns that Darth Vader was his father. The cliché was ridiculous._

_That’s when everything went wrong._

_The head of this supremacist group was a man named Azog De’filer – a man so obsessed with the master race that he had made his skin almost translucent white. His hair was buzzed short, as if he were a military general. He stood at nearly seven feet tall. It was like he had been grown to be a bad guy. He and 007 had clashed in the past, in countries all over the world._

_Azog had headed a mining company called Moria. It plundered precious minerals from the natural wonders of South America, and had ties to the brutality in exploiting the people of the Congo to provide necessities for its consumers, such as cell phone chips and materials for computer hard drives. The blood on his hands could paint the streets of London many times over._

_007 hated him._

_They all did._

_The riches he received from his various mining operations had made Azog one of the wealthiest people in the world. But success has made him sloppy. His previous ventures had left a trail for MI6 to follow, and they were able to tie the neo-Nazi movements to his various bases, and their analysts were able to connect the dots. It all led to his headquarters, fifty miles south of Buenos Aires, in this exact moment._

_His headquarters held the power that was controlling the weapons he had been amassing. The mission was for 007 and 003 was to sneak into the base, and render it inoperable. By destroying his power grid, they would foil both his plans for world domination, and bring Moria to its knees._

_The only thing that stood between war and peace was 003’s ability to destroy the last grid before Azog could get to them. 007 went to charge at him head on while 003 began taking apart the grid._

_Time was running out._

_From 005’s view, a third screen (the first two dedicated to each agent in the field) showed several weapons ready to be launched at Tel Aviv. Azog and 007 grappled, while 003 worked with Q relaying directions. Q’s voice was steady – and 005 admired that._

_They had less then five minutes._

_003 worked smoothly and quickly, and if 005 hadn’t seen it he could never relate this man to the one that almost dropped his own son a number of times. There was so much commotion – 005’s eyes kept flickering; from 007 fighting Azog and losing, to 003 working on the grid, Q’s directions, the weapons getting closer, and how M watched it all like a hawk._

_Finally, 003 had succeeded. The weapons were inoperable. If nothing else, the base was not defunct and they weren’t about to witness a war._

_But 007 was still fighting – and losing._

_They needed to get out of that base – MI6 had hidden planes with missiles that were supposed to blow it up and those missiles were going to be fired now. And Azog had to be left in there._

_003 pulled out his own gun and aimed it back at them, trying to get to Azog. 007 and Azog were many feet away from him, and he hesitated._

_“I don’t have a clear shot!” He said, as they fought, unable to hear him. “If I shoot, they may both fall off this dammed catwalk!”_

_005 realized what was happening. His stomach dropped. His closest friend – 003, the most compassionate man he knew – was asking M for permission to potentially kill another agent for the sake of the mission._

_He looked at M. Her back was ridged, and her eyes were hard._

_“Take the shot.” 003 did._

_He had been telling the truth – he didn’t have a clear shot. Azog fell over, and so did 007. In the back of his mind, 005 remembered that scene in Star Wars when Luke fell from the catwalk, and how he ended up alright. There was a moment where he hoped this could be like the movies, and 007 would find a random chute to slide through and come out okay._

_Then camera on 007 cut out, and they lost visual._

_003 made it out._

_Then the missiles launched at the base, and it was no more._

_M looked back at him._

_“005,” She said, and he shook himself to be aware again. “What would you have done?”_

_Dori looked down. This wasn’t his mother. This was his superior. And soon, it would be him. And this was the true test of the job. Sacrificing real people, so the ends could justify the means._

_M said, “007 died so millions could live. It was a choice he knew he wouldn’t get to make the day I named him.” M leaned into him. “When an agent swears themselves to you, you name them. When you name them, they no longer have an identity beyond what you need of them. An agent doesn’t have children. An agent doesn’t have any attachments. An agent does what is best for MI6, even at the cost of their own life. Tomorrow, you will sit in this chair. And one day, you will make the decision to sacrifice an agent, so that someone who never knew they existed can be safe. That is our life.”_

_005’s eyes watched as 003 went to the helicopter that would take him to their plane and bring him back to London._

_Bungo went home to his wife and son._

_They buried their best agent the next day._

_-_

“Amazing how we never heard those stories.” Nori commented dryly.

Dori had told him the story of their mother’s last mission from Bofur’s room in medical. Bofur hadn’t woken up since whispering about Moria. He also hadn’t had any hallucinations, seizures, or severe temperature drops, so Dr. Elrond gave him the all-clear. Now it was a matter of letting him rest after everything his body had gone through.

Nori had never seen his brother look so shell-shocked before, until Dori explained exactly what Moria had been a reference to for him. Now he wished his husband could wake up, so they could see if there could possibly be a connection from a company that had been dead since before Ori had been born to now. And how it related to their drug issue. And Ori’s kidnapping. There were too many damned pieces missing, and you could never play if you didn’t have all the pieces.

“I mean,” Nori continued, “Uncle Bungo had always liked to give detailed lessons on all the computers he hacked by country he’d done it in, but he never told us anything about Argentina.”

“That’s because he was ashamed.” Dori said. “We never knew 007. He wasn’t a part of the family, but he was another agent. Bungo hated himself for being responsible for his death. He could never bear to tell you, or his son that.”

He made a point. It made Nori wish he could speak to Bilbo’s parents now that he was an agent. Belladonna had taught him to shoot, but Bungo and Ori’s father had taught him everything else – and he had looked up to them so much. There was a _reason_ his call sign was Bungo’s old one.

“Does Q know this yet? He should be able to bridge a connection.” Nori offered. Ori was good at seeing things not in plain sight – it was what made him such a good inventor.

Dori shook his head. “Once he and Elrond finished the Kingsfoil Cure I sent him to bed – he hadn’t gotten a proper night sleep since Thursday, before the kidnapping. Dwalin is making sure he stays in bed. Once 002 and his man get back we will compare notes.”

Nori snorted. “You own us when we’re double 00 agents. You can’t tell _Dwalin_ what to do.”

Dori sniffed. “M owns the 00 agents. _Dori_ , Ori’s oldest brother and legal guardian can make sure his boyfriend keeps him safe. We look after our family Nori.”

Nori’s smile faded, and he looked down at Bofur. “When we can.”

“Oh Nori.” Dori grabbed his hand. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“If we weren’t agents this wouldn’t have happened. Elrond told me his arm will have to stay in a sling” they both looked at the bandages on Bofur’s left shoulder, where the kidnappers had inserted the needle that drugged him, “and it will pain him during the winter months, and make it nearly impossible to use his arm. He uses his hands to work, carve, make toys, and play with his nieces and nephews,” here Nori went pale and terrified. “Dori. His nieces and nephews. Bombur. Alia. Bifur. Dori what do we tell them-“

“Shhh-Nori.” Dori soothed, “It’s okay. I told them someone broke into your home, and attacked Bofur moments before you arrived. You two have been giving testimonies to the police for the past few days, and staying with me until you find another place. Remember, they live in Ireland – and it’s still the school year. They can’t come out all this way anyway, so that bides you more time. And Bofur's school said for him to take as much time as he needed to get better - the students miss him dearly, of course. But I’m sorry about forcing you to move.” Their apartment had been very nice.

Nori let out a choked laugh in relief, and buried his head in Dori’s shoulder. “Always calling the shots, and taking care of everything. You’re just like mother. You make the perfect M.”

Dori didn’t reply, but wrapped an arm around Nori’s shoulders as he watched Bofur sleep.

_That’s what I’m afraid of._

-

“Are you really going to do everything Dori tells you?” Ori snarked.

Currently, he was in the room next to the one Bilbo and Thorin had spent the last night in – he couldn’t exactly go back to his place – let alone leave MI6 in the foreseeable future. After he and Elrond had finished the cure, he’d stumbled out of the lab, exhausted but determined, keeping a hand on the wall to help guide him back to Bofur’s room and make sure his brother in law would be okay, and to give Nori a hug because he could use them.

Dwalin joined him a few steps later, and Ori leaned on him. He let Dwalin wrap an arm around his waist and guide him, certain that his lover would take them to there. But then he noticed they were passing Bofur’s room, and he started to protest. In response, Dwalin simply _picked him up_ (despite Ori’s protests) and _carried_ him to a different room. It was undignified.

He laid down with Ori on the bed, despite the smaller man’s threats (and he was getting very creative with them now, because swearing in German was always satisfying). In response, Dwalin wrapped his arms around him gently, but firmly. A silent command to stay here. Before Ori could start making due on his threats (really before his head hit the pillow), he had fallen asleep.

Ori woke up several hours later feeling much better, so maybe he could forgive Dwalin for being the worst. He also brought him tea, so forgiveness was looking very likely. But then he wouldn’t let him leave the room, and Ori took it all back.

Which brought them to where they were now. As usual, Dwalin was unmoving, even when he got mouthy.

His lips even twitched in amusement. Jerk. “When your brother is my boss? And sent me on three surprise missions before allowing me to even officially meet him? Yes – I am going to do what he says. Especially when it’s in your best interest. _Ten hour days_ Ori. Our wants for you are simple.”

“ _M_ is your boss. _Dori_ isn’t. 007 and Q don’t date. _I’m_ dating you Dwalin. _Me, Ori_.”

Dwalin stepped away from the door, and sat down on the bed. Ori joined him and curled up next to him, out of force of habit, and Dwalin wrapped an arm around him. For a moment, Dwalin didn’t say anything. Ori leaned into him.

Finally, he spoke up. “We made those boundaries, but they’re blurring. There isn’t much of a difference between Dori and M right now, if there ever was. And that separation had been to protect us from the outside – and to protect the outside from us. Ori, the outside isn’t separating you from Q. _You_ – no matter what you may call yourself – got taken. And 003 – _Nori_ – nearly lost his husband. 002 – _Bilbo_ – just took his civilian boyfriend on a mission with him. This is making no sense anymore. When you play the field like Gods, the way we have, we expose ourselves like a nerve. We have a long list of enemies with nothing to lose who would love to topple us. These splits in our personalities don’t mean anything anymore.” He squeezed him tighter. “But _you_ mean something to me. You’re _you_ , and I’m _me_. And I _love_ you. Don’t forget that.”

Ori swallowed. “I-I love you to.” He said, because that was true – and a good place to start.

“I love you, Ori. And Q. And whatever else you call yourself.” Dwalin said, and then smirked. “And 007 and Q are most certainly dating.”

Ori went pink. “I wouldn’t call what they do dating.” He said primly, and kissed his shoulder as Dwalin laughed. “But I love you, whether you are Dwalin or 007.”

“And who are you now lovely?”

“Between you and me? Ori. But out there,” he nodded to the door to indicate the rest of MI6, “I’m Q. Our identities may be leaving, but I’m going to hold on to our order for as long as we can have it.” Dwalin gave a noncommittal hum, and Ori let himself doze.

But for the first time since this whole mess had begun, he finally felt safe. It wasn’t because he was at MI6, or in medical versus his lab, on the field or at home. It was because he was under Dwalin’s arm. He had Dwalin and Dwalin had him, and he had his family – whatever their names were at the moment.

For now, it was enough.

-

Bofur woke up the way one does from a long sleep – reluctantly. He felt like he’d had a deep sleep – a wonderful sleep, and that hadn’t been something he wanted to let go of. Yet, despite not opening his eyes, he knew he wasn’t going to be falling back asleep anytime soon. To voice his displeasure, he let something in between a moan and a groan escape him, and almost immediately after he said it he heard a voice ask for his name.

It was Nori’s voice. But it came from far away. This was confusing. Why wasn’t Nori in bed with him? And this didn’t even feel like their bed. Where was he? He was coming out of a deep sleep – it was too early for these kinds of questions. In response to Nori’s voice, he made to sit up, and immediately regretted the decision. The second his left arm twitched, he became aware of something _inside_ his _arm_ , and it felt _wrong_.

“Hey, easy there.” There was Nori’s voice again, but it was closer now, and a hand was resting on his left wrist, and then gripped his hand. “You have an IV line, don’t move your arm, okay?”

IV line? What was going on? Bofur decided to open his eyes, and this he was able to do. Everything was fuzzy, and he blinked a few times and watched his husband come into focus. That was always nice to wake up to, and he smiled and brought his other hand to cup Nori’s face.

“Mornin’ beautiful.” At least, he hoped it was morning. Wasn’t sure. Add that to the list of questions.

Dismayed, Bofur watched Nori’s face crumple. Why did he look sad? Nori leaned back, holding Bofur’s raised hand in between his two.

“Do you know where you are?” Nori asked. Bofur looked around the room. It didn’t look like a hospital room – though he’d only ever been in them for a few moments when Bombur’s wife had their babies. But the machines surrounding him gave that kind of air to the room. He shook his head.

Nori brushed back his hair. “It’s alright, we’ll fill you in slowly.” That same hand wandered down to his left shoulder. Bofur followed his hand as it went to his shoulder, and saw the bandages there.

The moment his fingers grazed the bandages, Bofur felt himself go rigid. His breath came out in gasps and it all felt so _wrong_ , and was the room getting colder? Why would it be _colder_?

“Shit – shit – sorry. I’m so sorry babe.” Nori retracted his hand from his shoulder and grabbed his right hand again, and the temperature of the room went back to normal. Bofur focused on getting his breathing under control. Things were coming back to him – the feeling of _cold_ on his back in that cell, the rushing of the van that got them there, the kidnapping. That’s right – he’d been taken. But he hadn’t been alone – there had been-

“Wait. Ori? Thorin?” He felt ashamed – they had been there – he can’t remember them in the jail cell, and can barely place them from the van that the kidnappers used, but he knew they'd been there. They had been there, but then that horrible needle was injected into his shoulder and everything was fuzzy after that. Why hadn't he asked about them sooner? What was _wrong_ with him? 

“They’re okay – they didn’t hit Thorin with enough, and Ori has an immunity to most poisons and drugs.”

That made no sense.

Nori must have read his face, and grimaced.

“Ori… isn’t really an archivist.”

Bofur’s eyebrows knit in confusion.

“He – we – that is, Ori, Dori, Bilbo and I, we work for MI6.”

It’s quiet for a few moments.

“You’re having me on.” Bofur says, not understanding at all. “It’s that drug. I’m still under it, aren’t I?”

“No, no you aren’t.” Nori has a combination of stress and frustration on his face, and Bofur had never seen him look this upset before. “I’m an agent for her Majesty’s Secret Service. So is Bilbo. Ori makes us gadgets. Dori is our boss. Dwalin’s also an agent.” There was silence. Nori cringed at the way Bofur looked at him. It was full of confusion, and alarm. But it looked like Bofur believed him.

“How long? How long have you been an agent?” He asked softly.

Nori steeled himself with courage he didn’t have to look straight at him. “I joined when I was nineteen.”

Bofur’s eyes widened. “That… is very young. How… how is that legal? And that means..”

Nori doesn’t let go of his hand. “Yeah – I’ve always been an agent.”

“When we met. That first day.” Bofur let his words trail off, and Nori nodded a confirmation.

“I had been running – I was exposing a society of Casino cheats that were trading secrets about high ranking parliament officials. No – it never made any sense.” He said quickly, before Bofur could even ask about that.

“Was… was I-“

“ _God no._ ” Nori said quickly, “Bofur, our relationship is real. I love you. That’s all true.”

“I don’t know _what’s_ true with you.” Bofur whispered, and was mortified see tears on Nori’s face. Hell, he had tears on his own face too. He was too _tired_ for this. 

“Nori… you have a whole life that I don’t know anything about. Would you have ever been honest with me, if _this_ hadn’t happened?” At _this_ , he gestured to his shoulder and arm.

“I don’t know.” Nori answered honestly. “Bofur, I was never allowed to tell you… I wasn’t allowed to _be_ with you.”

“Then why?” He chocked out.

“Because I fell in love with you. Because I’m a selfish bastard, and I wanted to prove that I could have someone love me. Bofur, that field was ruining me – I was becoming something I hated. I was using people that I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I was using people I liked, and I didn’t care. But then… then I used you, and I did care. You kept me sane. When we were dating I… you reminded me that there was a life off the field. You kept me sane. You kept me whole. You still do. I.. I am so sorry about what’s happened to you.”

For a moment, Bofur was silent. He let himself really look at Nori. The bags under his eyes. The twitching in his hand. The way his leg bounced. Every time Nori traveled for business, he always seemed a little too energetic to be back in their apartment. And he always was on the touchy-feely side.

Maybe he was being honest, and the only lie was in his job. Bofur wasn’t happy about it. But things were beginning to make sense. But they loved each other. That did make sense.

“You look terrible.” He observed, and felt a ghost of his usual smile twitch on his face.

Nori snorted. “You don’t look too hot yourself you know.”

“Lies. I’m always gorgeous. That’s what you said at our wedding. Unless _that_ was a lie?” He let his tone get teasing there, because he didn’t want Nori to start getting upset again. It just wasn’t _in him_ to be so mad for so long. And at that moment, he really didn’t have it in him.

“I did say that, but now I don’t know why.” Nori quipped. Bofur reached for his hand.

“Because you _looove_ me.” He teased, and Nori smiled. “I love you too,” Bofur continued. “We can talk about this more later, when we’re in our right minds.”

“So never?” Nori clarified, and Bofur snorted.

Nori had a _lot_ of explaining to do. But they were going to be fine.

-

002 and Thorin made it back around 3 in the afternoon, once Bilbo had decided that they really did lose the people that were chasing them.

They visited medical, though it’s a quick in and out this time because neither of them had really been hurt. 002 gives Q his stained jacked to scan for prints of the man they had encountered, and they mourn the fabric for a few minutes as Q prepares it for scanning. They both hiss at Thorin when he says they’re being overdramatic.

They go to Bofur’s room to prepare for the debrief, and are delighted to see him awake. He’s looked better, but he is _awake_ and that’s the most important thing for them.

He greets them with a weak smile, but can’t seem to look Bilbo in the eye. Bilbo sees this and deflates ever so slightly. Nori’s still sitting close to him, so their marriage probably isn’t in danger, but it is clear that Bofur doesn’t quite trust them anymore.

It’s a little heartbreaking.

007 comes in with Q, who’s carrying his laptop. They’re joined by M moments later.

The screen from that first debriefing is still there _(a call M was glad he’d made_ ). It’s simply a matter of Q connecting his laptop again and they’re ready to begin.

002 recounted the mission he and Thorin had been on, complete with the arguing to throw off Thorin’s coworkers, to distracting Gloin, to going into the sewer ( _“Why is it always the sewer?”_ Nori interrupted before they all hushed him) and the strange man they’d found. Q then pulls up a profile that he built of that man, based on 002’s description with the prints.

He showed up as ‘Smeagol Rivers’. Smeagol was a native of London, and he had held a job as a teacher, until he was arrested for murder fifteen years prior. The charges got dropped before the prosecution took place, and then he’d fallen off the grid since. He’d held several odd jobs at supermarkets and convenience stores, never holding one down for longer than a year. He had no family members or significant friends to be linked to him. It was almost as if he were a ghost.

“He was displaying the symptoms that coincide with long-term dependency of Nazgul.” 002 continued, after Q finished briefing them all. “I suspect he’s had a role to play with the drug’s appearance in Britain, but it’s tough to say if he is a noteworthy person in leadership. He wasn’t exactly… all there.”

An image of what he looked like – taken from a security camera at his last clerk job – was on the Monitor Screen. Bofur flinched at the blood-shot eyes, the wisps that were once hair, and gaunt skin. His memories of being drugged were panic-filled and terrifying. How could anyone _crave_ that?

“He’s another piece to this.” 007 mused.

“But how does Moria factor in? And why did we get an address for the Blue Mountain Building? Do they invest in pharmaceuticals?” Nori asked.

“We first saw traces of this drug in South America.” Q said, “We think that’s where it is being made, but we can’t pinpoint the right region, or if it’s under the influence of any one Cartel.”

“Moria fell apart years ago.” 002 said, “How can that relate now? Their business ventures failed.” Killing Azog – their leader and visionary – had been the undoing for that company. Though the world knew it as a suicide he committed after learning that reporters had found out he’d embezzled. (Which _was_ true, though the suicide part was _not_.)

To everyone’s surprise, Bofur spoke up. “They got bought out. By Gundabad.” Everyone looked at him. Bofur shifted, but continued. “Gundabad funds my school. They use the old Moria computers for the little ones, when they learn to type. Cleaned up the nasty bits of the company, and used the technology and resources to build schools in all the places Moria mined to make up for the damage done to the people in those communities.”

“That’s right.” Thorin spoke up. “That’s why BMB is merging with them. They have an international reputation for doing charitable work, and my bank wants to use that to expand our investments.”

“It might be worth looking at the old Moria base.” 003 said, after a few minutes of silence.

“That is the only lead we have.” M agreed, but he didn’t look happy about it. He looked back at Q. “Who do you think?” M asked him.

“This is a reconnaissance mission.” Q said, after thinking for a few minutes. “But we don’t know what to expect. I think safety in numbers.”

M regarded him, and looked around the room. “003, I expect you to sleep for the next nine hours. The three of you,” he looked at each 00 agent in the room in turn, “Will be heading out. You’re flight to Buenos Aires will land tomorrow. Rest up.”

“Well,” 007 said, with false cheer, “Looks like the gangs’ back together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR plot is happening. I'm not at all fleshing out the details as I go - oh no. I do promise that we WILL be seeing the Bagginshield dates (and they're reaaally cute), the 'Stolen Hats' wedding that almost wasn't, and all the 'Knitted Axes' flirting (the dwori bits are really hard because Dwalin and Ori keep going to the nearest flat surface to do the frickity frack in all my headcannons of them - 007 and Q are thirsty af - and I'm not sure this is the right setting for that.)


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The greatest thing in the universe happened - Goldberry-in-the-rushes made me a fanart, and it is inspiring. And flawless. And I love it. And you all need to be made aware of it: http://goldberry-in-the-rushes.tumblr.com/post/133183242435
> 
> All I can say for this chapter is that Dwalin and Ori are horndogs - and they are completely SHAMELESS. I spent waay more words on them which kept me from Moria, and I was really excited to get to Moria. But I needed to write about 007 meeting Q, and whenever 007 and Q are alone together they are terrible and full of sin. No one needs to see that. But apparently we do. 
> 
> Basically Dwori is distracting.

_007 walks into the Q labs to be outfitted for his next mission. Several of the scientists on duty give him scalding looks (the Q branch doesn't like him much because of his propensity to damage equipment), but otherwise they leave him alone._

_They are a skittish bunch – Q’s scientists. They travel in packs, don’t speak to agents unless they are outfitting one, and don’t normally leave Q branch unless they are getting food. Sometimes, 007 likes to joke with his teammates that they aren’t even human, really, just a bunch mad scientists that make things explode for profit. But considering his best friends respond to numbers for names (and he doesn’t even_ know _his friends’ names), he really is no better._

 _Today, however, his mission is solo. M had briefed him of a man in Istanbul who is threatening to expose MI6 secrets that he should in no way have – so they need to figure out who he is and what to do about him. Yet before his flight can leave, he needs to be outfitted by Q. So he reported straight there, intending to greet the man who had been giving him his supplies since he started as an agent, only for Q to_ not _be there._

_A half an hour passes by, and still no Q. It’s highly unusual._

_Then someone walks through the door, but it definitely isn’t Q. He is_ far _too attractive. The man – though he looks far to young to really deserve that title – has red hair going every which way on his head, and freckles along his nose that are more pronounced with thick glasses that are perched on said nose. He’s wearing a knitted cardigan, slacks, and a button-down._

 _It shouldn’t work, let alone be attractive on anyone and yet he looks positively_ indecent _._

_“They sure are taking interns young now.” 007 remarks, slowly eyeing the lad up and down. “Don’t you have a class to get to?”_

_To his credit, the lad doesn’t blush or stammer how he has every right to be there. He merely rolls his eyes._

_The kid answers with, “I can go as soon as I finish with you,” in a primly-unimpressed sort of voice._

_“What? Q too busy for me today?”_

_The kid’s lips twitch. “Something like that. Shall we begin?”_

_007 leans against the counter. He gestures at the surface with the latest toys. Then, he gives the intern a slow once-over, and raises an eyebrow._

_“What do you have for me?” He purrs._

_It’s painfully obvious that the kid is new: he takes great care in explaining what each and every item does (like he doesn’t know) with explicit directions on how to properly take care of each item (strike that – he is very new – every agent in Q branch knows that after a month 007 never brings back equipment given to him). But it cannot be understated how cute he is – it endears 007 enough to nod along to everything the intern says until – finally – everything is handed to him and the presentation is over._

_“You made me late for my flight.” 007 says, pocketing everything in his pockets and jackets._

_“They’ll wait for the valuables.” Is the response. He flashes a trademark smirk; the one he gives to those he seduces._

_“You flatter me.”_

_“Don’t kid yourself,” the other scoffs, “It’s my equipment that gets the job done. You’re simply the muscle.”_

_The agent snorts – he’s heard that line before. This kid isn't nearly as impressive as he thinks he is.  
_

_Instead, he steps closer to the intern, and leans in until their noses are almost touching. “Kiss for luck?” He whispers._

_Later, he’ll be shocked when he realizes that he’s only half-teasing._

_For a moment, there’s no noise except their breaths. Then, the lad tilts his head, and closes the gap moreso._

_007 closes his eyes._

_The intern raises his hands to cradle the back of his head – he has to stand on his tip-toes to do it._

_“Bring back my equipment.” He whispers, and gives the agent a light shove out the door._

-

 _There is no good reason as to why that puts him in such a cross mood._ He _was the one to come onto the intern like that – and he was probably too young anyway._

_Why had he done that? Sure, the kid was pretty, but what was wrong with him? He'd gotten inside the agents head somehow - not many were able to do that.  
_

_007 boards the plane – nearly two hours late because of that presentation from the Q techie – and spends the entire ride cursing at the intern who acted liked he ran MI6._

_Then he hears a too-familiar voice in his ear._

_‘Hello 007. Are you ready to begin?’_

_He wants to snap that only Q has the clearance to supervise and observe missions with M – not Q branch interns – and then something cold settles in his stomach._

_Well shit._

-

_That was the moment he learned that he was sexually attracted to a man who could kill him a thousand times over and make it look like an accident._

_Really, of all the people to desire at MI6, Q was really the worst choice. This was a man who held his life in his hands, told him which corridor to go down, and was the one that made his gun shoot. It was so inappropriate to develop a conditioned response of arousal to the question ‘Are you ready?’ because it came to him in that adorable – off-limits – voice that was his Quartermaster._

_What had he done to deserve this?_

_It felt like developing an obsession. Who was Q? He had never cared about this before. Every department in MI6 had its own boundary, and line. And every employee of the organization had their secrets. No one actually knew anyone’s name – except of course for M, but he knew everything and named everyone. M didn’t count; he was barely even a person himself._

_007 had always been good about leaving well enough alone for the others, but Q was an exception. Q took up his thoughts in between plane rides in between missions. The way he saw it, he deserved to know about Q, given how often he thought of him._

_But more then that, he wanted Q to know about him too._

_When he started having dreams about Q moaning ‘Dwalin’, he knew he had it bad._

_-_

_How would he even go about expressing interest? His father courted his mother. Did people court anymore? How did dates happen? Didn’t the young people use that swipe app anyway? And who could he even go to for advice?_

_Outside of MI6 he had no friends or close family – it had been a sacrifice he made before joining._

_Inside MI6, he really only knew 002, 003, and M (but it was already established that M didn’t count). 003 would be no help – he was a terrible flirt, and their biggest honeypot (he liked to say he was perfecting the art). 003 wouldn’t know a good relationship if it seduced him. 002… was actually not a bad idea. He had joined several years after he and 003 did. Most of the agents had scoffed at him in the beginning – he looked like the tailor his cover story labeled him as; not as spy. He was soft, with curls, and a pudgy midsection. How could he be a good agent?_

_007 and 003 didn’t buy the “having a certain look to be an agent” crap (which was odd because they both had it) and taught 002 a few tricks here and there. Then he went into the field for the first time and proved just how deadly he really was. No one doubted him then.  
_

_The three worked well together. But because he had the look of someone soft and squishy, he may actually have a good idea of how to go about expressing interest to someone, even though he didn’t really know Q._

-

_002 did turn out to be a good help, but he spent the first ten minutes of the conversation laughing at him before offering the help._

_007 had to remind himself several times that attacking other agents is technically wrong, and that he shouldn’t do it._

_They started with little things – he first made more of an effort to bring back what Q gave him. That didn’t mean he brought everything back; that would have been unrealistic. But it was enough to make Q’s minions gape at him with wide eyes, and 002 told him they were whispering about it, which meant in no time everyone knew about the subtle change._

_He would also make sure to go to Q branch before medical to personally hand the items to Q. The Quartermaster never did more then complain about what he didn’t bring, and then yell at him to go to medical, but 002 reassured him that, according to the minions, it was making their Q take notice. Which had been most of the battle anyway._

_It wasn’t to say the courtship (because that was what it turned into) was smooth sailing after that._

_Far from it, really. (But that is quite the epic story.)_

_The culmination, at the very least, was successful._

_It was a text. From an unidentified number with an address to a bar sent in the middle of the day with a time stamp for that evening, sent to his personal cell phone._

_Dwalin agreed without a second thought._

_Sure enough, he spotted his Quartermaster sitting at a footstool against the bar, alone. Waiting for him._

_Heart hammering in anticipation, he walked towards it. He sat next to him, facing him._

_“You seem awfully lonely here.” He murmered._

_It was Q, but he didn’t feel like Q. Not here, in this casual setting outside of headquarters. But for lack of anything else to call him, Dwalin stayed with Q in his own mind. He ordered a scotch and soda._

_“James Bond likes a martini, shaken, not stirred.”_

_“That is a redundant drink for a cliché of a fake character.” Dwalin said, and felt triumph when Q’s lips twitched in amusement._

_“Do I look fake to you?”_

_“Not fake… but not real either.” He answered._

_Instead of commenting on that, Dwalin said, “You didn’t answer my earlier question.”_

_“Remind me of it?”_

_“You seem awfully lonely.”_

_“That wasn’t a question – that was a declarative statement.”Q retorted._

_He rolled his eyes. Not even in his lab and Q still had to be difficult. “You never let up, do you?”_

_“What was I supposed to say to that? Honestly?”_

_“Are you lonely?”_

_“Well not now.”_

_That was accompanied with an appreciative look, and Dwalin finally felt triumph._

_“Did I have something to do with that?”_

_“Keep asking me stupid questions and I’ll be lonely again by choice.”_

_“Don’t say that darling, I’m much too attractive for that.” Q makes something close to a giggle in his drink, but it can’t be a giggle because someone who can kill him a thousand times over isn’t allowed to be that adorable. It’s just not fair._

_“Alright, you do have a certain… charm.”_

_“Why, I believe that’s the first nice thing you have ever said to me.” He mock-gasps._

_“I’m perfectly capable of being nice.” Q protested teasingly._

_Dwalin leans in. “Are you now?” He whispers. He’s given a nod._

_“You know,” Q says, “You’ve been giving me your company, but I still don’t even know your name.” It’s said with a look so convincingly innocent – if being quartermaster stops working for Q, he could be an actor._

_“I’m Dwalin.” The young man’s lips turned upword, and it took Dwalin a few minutes of deciphering to realize he was being given an honest-to-goodness smile of all things._

_“I’m Ori.” Ori. The name fit. He felt himself giving a smile of his own back at him._

_“Ori. The name suits you.”_

_“I could say the same for you, Dwalin.” And it was unfair how his voice pitched lower to say his name._

_“Say it again.” He ordered, leaning into Ori’s space. The position reminded him of when they had met for the first time as 007 and Q, in his lab. Unlike that first time, Ori let his eyelids fall halfway to look up at him from under his lashes._

_“Dwalin.” He whispered. One hand went around his head to keep him there, the other went around his waist._

_“Again.” He whispered._

_“Dwalin.” Ori sounded breathless._

_“Again-“ Dwalin tried to say, but Ori turned his head just so and gave him a firm kiss._

_The only words exchanged for the rest of the night were their names._

_-_

In the chaos that took place just seconds after Dwalin had been properly introduced to Ori’s family, he never had the chance to corner Bilbo and have _words_.

It’s while 003 pilots their course to Buenos Aires that he seizes his chance.

“Were you just having a laugh at me this last year?” He asks 002.

“What are you talking about?” 002 asks, looking every bit the ‘poor confused man’ everyone makes him out to be at first.

007 glares. "When I went to you for advice all those times." 

Clarity dawns on 002, by 003 pipes up before he can answer.

“We absolutely were.” 003 calls from the cockpit.

007 flashes a rude gesture that he can’t see, but it makes him feel good to send it.

“Shut up 3.” 002 snaps. “And no, 7, I wasn’t. 002 didn't care in the slightest. But, as _Bilbo_ , I was happy to see someone so interested in my little brother.”

“Speak for yourself.” 003 says, “ _Nori_ almost shot you the moment I heard Q flirting with you on the comms. And Dori nearly sent you to Siberia.”

“In case you’ve forgotten,” 007 answered, “He _did_ send me to Siberia. You were there.”

After months of dating (and what they _definitely_ did not do in the Q labs) Ori had wanted Dwalin to meet his family.

He hadn’t known Q had a family – most at MI6 didn’t have one. But Ori assured him that he did, and he wanted Dwalin to meet them.

The first time he was supposed to, M had put him on a last minute mission to Siberia with 003, so he didn’t get to meet them.

The second time, there had been urgent business that only he and 003 (with 002) could take care of in Baghdad.

He was getting worried Ori’s family would find him flakey and dislike him for having to miss meeting them when he was called away the third time.

It made a lot more sense when Ori opened the door, and he realized that his oldest brother was none other then M, and his other brother was 003. Apparently, he knew them longer then he knew his Q.

What was his life.

“Yeah, but I’m talking send you to Siberia and leave you there. I told him that was a misuse of power, and technically frowned upon.”

007 snorted. “What did your partners go through?” He asked, careful to avoid names. Their planes were secure (one could hope) but Bofur and Thorin deserved the protection of anonymity, especially given everything they had gone through in the last few days.

“Mostly extensive background research, and not very subtle interviews with their friends, family members, previous employers, current employers, bankers, and mailmen.” 002 answered. “But we figured anyone dating 3 was getting punished enough.” He laughed as the pilot protested loudly.

“You shouldn’t anger the one driving the plane!” 003 called.

“Like that’s so special.” 007 mocked, “Either of us can do that, you just like holding the controls.”

“What, you like giving the controls over to Q? Makes sense, you do whatever he says anyway.” 003 mocked.

“You’re just jealous that I’m the favorite.” He snarked.

002 makes an offended noise.

“Excuse you both!” he says, “I’m the favorite!”

It’s wonderful to hear 003 laugh. After the stress he had been under, it’s a good thing to know that he hasn’t cracked under the chaos of the last few days. Or maybe they’re all a little bit cracked. But at least they’re together.

-

There is a council of seven that supervise M, and therefore all of MI6. In addition to Q, they are the only ones who can observe a mission alongside M. Which, in total, makes nine people that can potentially watch some of the most dangerous acts of espionage committed on the regular all over the world.

Today, that number goes to ten.

Before they left, Nori made Dori swear that he would look after Bofur.

Q would be in the labs _(and they would have to confront him about using work as a tool to escape later)_ and out of touch. Thorin had been asked to join him, to provide feedback about the equipment from a civilian’s perspective. Nori understood the importance of the mission he had been tasked with, but it felt wrong for him to be leaving his husband when things were this fragile between them. Which led to his request of Dori.

Dori had said yes ( _as if he wouldn’t)_ , and made the call to have Bofur sitting next to him in his office to observe the agents that day. Dr. Elrond had pursed his lips and made a bunch of disapproving doctor noises, but Nori and Bilbo had learned their dislike of medical from Dori himself. Dori promptly ignored all the protests when he saw how uneasy Bofur looked in that room. Especially with the IV no longer in his arm.

He had spent most of his time there unconscious, but Dori knew the signs of when someone needed _out_ , and he could understand why Bofur wouldn't want to remain there a minute longer. They may not be able to leave headquarters, but he _could_ put them somewhere else.

Bofur’s arm went into the sling in order to best keep his shoulder stationary, they both promised Elrond he would take it easy, and they left for M’s office. Once there, Dori showed him where Nori had read and did his homework when their mother would bring him in as a child, and later where Ori and Bilbo had done the same. It was his hope that showing these things to Bofur would help bring him around. But his negative reaction from before made _sense_ – they had been spoiled with Thorin’s nonchalance. He was probably still in shock, and Dori was not looking forward to the moment he would snap.

In the meantime, he busied himself with reflections on their lives when Dori would walk in for mission briefings that his mother would give him, pretending to ignore his younger brother who was ignoring him for the sake of coloring. And how the cycle continued with him briefing Nori while Ori read.

“That’s what you do?” Bofur asked, letting Dori direct him to the chair behind the desk. The screen would be coming online soon with their agents’ progress. “You send them out on dangerous missions, regularly?”

“Yes. They understand the risks when they sign on.” He goes to answer the door and is given a tray with tea and various snacks. He brings it back and pours them both cups, and keeps everything within range of Bofur’s right arm.

“Do they really understand the risks?” Is his brother-in-law's next question, and Dori gives a rueful smile.

“Of course not. But it’s in their blood. They never stood a chance at anything else. The field has an addictive lure that you can’t pull away from. People think,” His gaze swept to the side of his office as his voice trailed off. Instead of there being a wall, there were windows from floor to ceiling, looking over the heart of the city. When he had been prepping, looking over his mothers’ shoulder, sometimes her gaze would wander at the windows in between missions.

He’d thought – naively – that she missed being on the field.

“People think,” He said, “That I sit here, in this office, gazing at those windows,” he gestured, “And they think that I miss the field, miss the action. But this,” waiving a hand, palm-up, around the room, “this is just an illusion. I’m not any further removed from the field. I’m more invested now than I ever was. These windows do not separate me from the outside world – anyone who thinks that is the case is a fool.”

“But it’s not your life on the line.” Bofur isn’t looking at him as he says this – his gaze is on the screen. They don’t have audio, but in one screen they see Nori in the cockpit, Dwalin lounging in one of the seats as if he were a passenger, and Bilbo in the third, sitting close to Dwalin. Whatever they’re talking about, they look like they are three friends spending time together, not three agents exposing one of MI6’s darker missions.

Dori swallows.

He leans over to press a button, and turns on his microphone.

“M reporting.” And the mission begins.

-

“M reporting.”

Is the voice that comes from the speaker in Q’s computer.

“Q reporting.” He answers. Thorin is next to him. They had gone over the supplies Q had given them, and his feedback had been useful. But now it was time for the mission to begin. After a moment, Q looked as if surprised to see him still there.

“Should I leave?” He whispered.

Q pursed his lips, and looked unsure. “I… protocol dictates only M and I can observe… but I know Bofur’s watching… screw it. You can stay.”

Thorin looked back at the screen, as the others checked in.

-

“002, reporting.”

“003, reporting.”

“007, reporting.”

“ _Good morning_.” M greeted.

“Good _evening_.” 007 corrected, giving a gesture to the night sky from one of the plane's windows that he knew M and Q could see. 002 smirked, and 003 ignored them all.

“We should be landing in an hour.” 003 said, before 007 could begin sassing them even more (and Q would subsequently sass back, which devolved into the mess they called flirting – and then 002 would ask for an adult to be present. When did _he_ become the responsible one?)

“Very good. Be on your guard just in case. There should be no one there, this is a ghost trail. But there are servers. Your mission is to get to the servers and insert any of the flashdrives you all have. Q will then be able to see if Moria experienced any activity in the last twenty years." M says, and now their objective has been laid clear. 

To the other two agents on the plane, 007 asks, “How about we make this interesting?”

002 raises an eyebrow, while the other agent doesn’t (because he is flying) but his dubious look manages to come across without turning his head.

“How so?” 002 asks.

“Last one to get to the servers buys the round of pints when all this is over.”

002 laughed, and agreed. 003 called an agreement from his own seat.

-

Bofur couldn’t resist the chuckle. “Why isn’t Nori talking more?” He asks Dori.

M isn’t used to being addressed, so it takes a moment to recognize speech that is not coming from the computer. It takes another moment to notice Bofur, and remember that he’s there.

Did his mother have those moments, when it was them?

“Right now, he’s 003.” M struggles for the right words, to best explain. And he really _does_ need the right words, because it is _so important_ that Bofur be able to understand this part of their lives, because he is in their _family_. “When he’s operating a car, or a plane, he takes that very seriously. When he’s running, or going after someone, you do see a little of Nori shine through.”

It’s uncomfortable for him to associate his brother and 003.

003 is an agent that he can send wherever needed. Nori is his brother. But Nori is 003. The agent is his brother.

It had only been an issue of association for him once before, and it had involved Bofur then too – though he hadn’t known it at the time.

-

_Delayed weddings are supposed to be caused by late family members, faulty caterers, bad weather, and poor directions to out-of-towners._

_Those things are not meant to be diversions because one of the grooms was needed to stop a coup-de-tat in Bosnia._

_003 and 007 had been called to the situation early the previous night, when he should have been at his stag party (Ori would later be very upset because he’d worked very hard on it) and was working as fast as he could to make sure he could make it to his own wedding._

_In the meantime, they had Ori (courtesy of Q, who was working in his office and multitasking) causing the worst traffic lights North Ireland had ever seen; making sure the band and majority of the wedding guests got lost and re-routed due to sudden roadwork signs._

_And Bilbo (with all the training he had as a spy) had caused Bifur’s car to have engine failure (so he and Bofur couldn’t get to their family church where the wedding was taking place), and made Bombur’s oven stop working for an hour (he was their caterer - he'd refused to have someone else cook for his own brother's wedding when he was a chef goddammit)._

_And then, when they all made it to the church (re-routing only worked for so long really), Bilbo pulled the fire alarm._

_Simple stuff, really, but it really did help stall for time._

_M kept half an eye on their progress, and half an eye on the mission between 003 and 007. He quickly scolds them for obstructing their comms by chatting. The resistance group isn’t about to halt themselves afterall, and Bosnia remaining stable will affect the European Union, so they really can’t be slacking off on this mission. For a moment, he regrets pairing them in the first place for moments like these, because even though they are the best there are other 00 agents, and his higher ups don’t need him to keep sending a team that they know work well together.(Especially with 003/Nori trying to build a life off the field. And part of Dori - the masochist part - wants to see if it is possible to have a life and marriage off the field. And if Nori - who had Bungo's call-sign, could succeed where Bilbo's father had failed.)_

_Finally, 003 gets a clear shot, and fires at the would-be assassin without a moment’s hesitation. They’d already had the clear, but normally M would still purse his lips about the terrible impropriety of it all, but he does understand 003’s - Nori's - hurry._

_“Well… that was anticlimactic.”_

_007 remarks. ‘Do you wish there was a better climax?’ Q purrs, and M can feel his migraine coming in._

_“Mission success.” 003 says. M knows that it’s taking everything in his power to not say, “Get me out of here.”_

_“Your plane will be there in twenty minutes.” He says._

_"What's hurry? You got a hot date?" 007 asks his fellow agent as he makes a break for the pick-up location._

_"Something like that."_

_-_

_Bofur and Nori got married an hour later. And no one there had any idea how hard Bilbo and Ori worked to stall for time, from all the firealarms, traffic delays, and emergencies that they made sure happened._

_Nori loved his family._

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nori is disapproving of the sin that is Dwori. The irony was that Dwalin should have used his help over Bilbo's, because Nori had been married for a while by that point. 
> 
> Moria is coming up next. And I am very excited about it.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you know how Moria was supposed to happen here? Well, I am just a big fat lier because Moria isn't happening here. I meant to provide just a /little/ of Bagginshield, but Bilbo and Thorin were such deprived attention-hogs that they quite literally took ALL MY ATTENTION for this chapter. So, this is one big Bilbo/Thorin flashback chapter. 
> 
> I swear we're getting to Moria.

Given time, the pain of your world falling out from under you can recede to an ache. A dull ache that never really goes away. It stays with Bilbo like a scar, one that everyone can see. He sees the way the older members of Q branch, the analysts, _M_ will look at him. Every day is a constant comparison to one parent or the other. He has his mother’s call sign, and every day he hears how he is _‘just like his father’_ or if he does something surprising everyone goes _‘just like his mother.’_

 

It’s _never_ Bilbo - always Bungo or Belladonna. 

 

It’s not that he was resentful - he knew that his parents were some of the best agents MI6 had seen, after the last 007 (not the one who mentored him, the one before). But it is difficult to be constantly living under the shadow of his parents, especially when they weren’t even around anymore. 

 

But out of respect to them, Bilbo makes a point to visit their graves every year on the anniversary of their Funeral. Which is macabre of him, but it’s his way of coping and it always had been. Dori, Nori, and Ori used to go with him, but after he’d joined MI6 at nineteen, he wanted to go by himself. Which is perhaps even worse, but agents were never exactly heralded for their exemplary coping mechanisms. Especially after a mission. 

 

003 was a prime example of this: after a mission, Nori would remain in whatever city he’d been working in and drink himself into a stupor. Once or twice, Q or M would intervene because he would accidentally discover that he had slept with some member of the ruling family, and that persons' husband or wife would be furious and threaten to imprison (or even execute) him. 

 

Nori was a good mentor for fieldwork, but he had terrible, self-destructive habits otherwise.

 

007, his other mentor, would simply disappear after the mission, and reappear for the next one. No one knew what he did. Bilbo really didn’t know his name - he wasn’t in their family so there wasn’t much a point for him to know. M knew, but M knew everything and didn't count. 

 

As for Bilbo, after a mission, he went to a tea shop in whatever host country he was in. It was a comfort to know that wherever in the world he was, there was somewhere he could go for a cup of Earl Grey.  

 

On arriving back to England, he would also visit his parents to tell them about his “business trip.” He would tell them a story about his “adventures in Narnia or Canada” as a joke of what they would tell him back when he was a child. Then, he would place a bouquet of flowers in the shared flowerpot that was embedded in their shared grave. 

 

Today, he told them news about his brothers. About Ori’s “heated discussions” with Dori about starting at MI6 too early (because Ori “helping out” was being interpreted differently by them both. Dori’s rule for them had been ‘Not until you are nineteen’ and Ori still had three years to go and the waiting was getting harder now that Nori and Bilbo were both agents and constantly out of the country). About how Nori was still up to his habits of gambling, drinking, and meaningless liaisons with whoever he came across. How Dori would constantly rant about his “idiotic superiors” and how he was just that much closer to retiring early and opening a teashop. 

 

And, because he knew they’d want to know, he mentioned that none of them were dating. (Which he felt might have been obvious in Nori’s case, but it still bore repeating).  

 

“We’re all just very busy, you know, with work right now.” He tried to explain, but he knew how pathetic that sounded. “Look, if we do meet anyone, you’ll know right away, okay?” 

 

They didn’t reply. 

 

He gave a sigh, and rose. “I’ll… I’ll see you in a bit,” he promised. 

 

As Bilbo turned to walk away, it started to drizzle. He decided not to bother with his umbrella, because the rain from the sky distracted from the rain falling from his eyes. _Don’t cry,_ he cursed at himself, _You are the son of Belladonna and Bungo Baggins and you do not cry_.

 

A whimper escaped his throat despite himself, and it was his lack of attention to the path that caused him to collide with someone, and subsequently fall to the floor. 

 

“Sorry.” He said, quickly, noticing that the other person had been holding flowers that were now strewn across the sidewalk. “I am _so_ sorry.” He said again. Honestly what was wrong with him today? It was the anniversary. They were dratted things.   


 

The stranger shook his head. “It isn’t a problem.” He said, and Bilbo looked up to make eye contact. 

 

He was incredibly attractive. Raven-black hair was pulled into a low ponytail, and he had beautiful blue eyes and a short-trimmed beard and mustache. He was wearing a black suit, and a blue tie that did wonderful things for his eyes. 

 

Apparently, he was a true gentleman, because even though Bilbo was the one to knock him down he offered him a hand up. 

 

“Visits aren’t easy.” The other man said, with a hint of camaraderie. He carelessly tossed the ruined bouquet in the bin near them. “My father didn’t like flowers anyway. Neither of my parents did. I brought them because, well. That's what you do, isn't it?” 

 

Without thinking, Bilbo says, “I was visiting my parents too.” 

 

_Fantastic Baggins. You sound every bit the suave agent Nori trained you to be. He’d be so disappointed to see you now._

 

But there was something comforting in the way that the other man had spoken to him that made this easy.

 

“Today was for my father.” The other man explained, “He and my mother did not have a loving marriage, so I visit them on different days. I never saw him very much when he was alive, but it is the principle of the thing to see him now.” 

 

“What happened to him?” Bilbo asked.

 

“Skiing accident, he was on vacation.” He said. Bilbo was surprised to see him smile a little. “I had always thought it ironic.” 

 

Bilbo was even further shocked, and mortified, that he actually let out a _laugh_ when the other man said that. He covered his mouth with wide eyes, dismayed at his own behavior. He had never felt so horrible in his life.

 

But to his relief, the other man waived him off. “It’s alright, the whole family thought so too,” He said, and really Bilbo was going to need a _name_ for this perfection, albeit perfection with a morbid sense of humor. 

 

He decided to take a leap of faith. “Why don’t I take you out for coffee? As an apology, for interrupting your visit and costing you a bouquet of flowers?”  

 

The stranger smiled at him. “I’d like that.”

 

Bilbo can’t help but think, as they leave together, that somewhere, his parents are proud of him. 

 

-

 

He learns that the man’s name is Thorin, and the father he was visiting was named Thrain. He learns that Thorin has a brother, a sister, a brother-in-law, and two nephews. 

 

He learns that Thorin is bad at directions - he showed up almost an hour late to their first date ( _which was a relief because Bilbo had been coming in from Uzbekistan so he was late too, though only by fifteen minutes_ ) because he’d gotten lost ( _which was unfairly cute_ ). But the upside was that he had found a nice Korean place ( _see: unfairly cute_ ), and they went there on the next date. 

 

Thorin was wonderful. Bilbo didn’t have to be the suave, mysterious agent that Nori had taught him to be. He could just be _Bilbo_ , a boring, uncultured tailor that didn’t like to travel. 

 

Thorin was someone who saw him as just Bilbo. Who liked him enough for just being Bilbo. It was marvelous. 

 

-

 

There is a group of people who supervise M. 

 

After three months of dating Thorin, Bilbo has to sit in front of them himself, and be told that he can’t date Thorin anymore. 

 

The head of the council is a man who calls goes by Saruman. 

 

“Your fraternization with Thorin Durin can no longer continue.” He orders, and Bilbo stares at him blankly. 

 

“You have to be kidding me.” is his reply. 

 

“This is no joke!” Saruman slams a fist onto the table. He's angry. “Agents cannot afford this kind of double-life nonsense. It will be a burden on yourself and MI6!”

 

Bilbo thought this council was supposed to be _intelligent_. All those complaints that Dori had made about them were making more sense now. Was he seriously going to have to explain to them how _he_ even came to exist in the first place? 

 

“ _Excuse me._ ” 

 

There is a voice in the doorway, and everyone turns to see M enter the room.

 

“Are you speaking to one of my agents without my knowledge?” His voice is deadly, his tone low and lethal. Bilbo is excited, because whenever that voice is on his side ( _which it usually is_ , _because he is the favo_ _rite of MI6_ ) that implies good things. 

 

“Because,” M continues, walking over to the table, and sitting, very deliberately, next to Bilbo, “You should all be aware that concerns over fieldwork are addressed to me, and me alone, and then doled out to agents as I see fit.”

 

“This is concerning his personal life.” Saruman snaps. 

 

“Ah, very well.” M smiles at him. It's more terrifying then his glare. “That area is really of no concern to you, is it? It is to my discretion whether my agents are performing well or not, and 002’s record is exemplary, and has remained so in the last three months. I see no reason to forbid him of his fraternization with the civilian Thorin. In fact, he is setting a positive example in healthy work and life balance for the other agents.” 

 

That must be a reference to Nori, who had come along way from needing to be airlifted out of various countries. He’s also practicing monogamy, and dating a nice man named Bofur. The brothers loved him. 

 

“And what if he tells this ‘ _Thorin_ ’ about this entire organization?” Saruman demands, making the name roll off his mouth as if it were something filthy or indecent, and not just a _name_ , “What then?”

 

“He won’t.” M says. “No agent is to repeat information of MI6 outside of headquarters, that has always been the policy.” 

 

“If we hear about him repeating anything-”

 

“You _won’t_ ," M said firmly, "because my agents practice discretion.”  

 

There is a long moment that passes between M and Saruman. The other members of the Council hold impartial faces, giving away nothing. Finally, Saruman reluctantly relents. “Very well. We will allow this _relationship_ , on the grounds that it does not interfere with the work of the agents, and provided that no information about MI6 is leaked.”

 

“Very good.” M gives Bilbo a careful nudge, and they both stand to leave. 

 

M ushers Bilbo through the hallways, and into his car. 

 

Once their in the car, and M is driving them, Dori unleashes everything he had wanted to say. 

 

“I cannot believe them!” Dori rants, taking them en route to his home. “Pulling you in like that, over my head - the whole thing is just madness!” 

 

“I can’t believe you deal with that everyday.” Bilbo remarks. 

 

“You think I want to open a tea shop for no reason? _Hardly_.” 

 

Bilbo gives a chuckle, and they exchange a few more words about incompetent councils that can't manage worth a damn. There is a silence that stretches between them. Then, Bilbo says, “Thank you, for that. By the way.”  

 

“Not a problem.” Dori takes his eyes off the road to smile at him for a second, then he looks back. “You are owed the chance to find someone you love, off the Field, and live as nice of a life with them as you can. It reminds me of your parents, you know. Mother had to fight for them as well. At least you aren’t dating another agent!” 

 

Bilbo’s smile fades at the last part, and he leans back into his seat. Dori doesn't notice, and drives on.   


 

-

 

Thorin isn’t an agent, but he understands what it means to live in the shadow of a parent. 

 

Apparently, although he looked a lot like his mother, his mannerisms and personality reminded people a lot of his father. For that reason, everyone had assumptions he would turn out just like his father ended up: aloof, mysterious, disappearing at odd times and appearing for no reason, only to die in a random country. 

 

So, as Thorin told Bilbo, he rebelled from it. 

 

He took a steady “boring” job as an accountant, at a bank, so he could always be reliable to his siblings and family. Unlike his father, he wanted to be there for all of Fili and Kili’s major milestones. Sometimes he wished for a little excitement, but it was worth it to see his brother and sister everyday. 

 

That was the moment Bilbo fell in love with him. 

 

And knew that Thorin would never fit into this life. 

 

-

 

In one million years, Bilbo could not have imagined that he would be attending _Nori’s_ wedding. Let alone Nori’s wedding _with_ someone. 

 

And yet, here he was. 

 

Of course, he would have preferred simply attending his brother’s wedding with his boyfriend _without_ having to work, but at least he wasn’t the one traveling out of the country the way Nori was. That did not seem fun. He had the suspicion that it was the Council’s interference. Saruman wasn’t in charge anymore ( _and what a mess that had been with him_ ) but Gandalf had a sneaky, underhand way of doing things and testing others. 

 

But it had been a relief to see Nori make it quite literally moments before the ceremony was beginning. 

 

Bilbo was outside, in the hallway, pacing. Everyone had arrived ( _There was apparently a limit on how many traffic delays Ori could do_ ) and had taken their seats inside. Bilbo had already pulled the fire alarm ( _before making sure the sprinklers would not go off because there were beautiful flower decorations that he refused to see ruined because 003 and 007 were taking forever_ ), but everyone had gone outside, waited for the firemen, and then went back inside and were sitting. 

 

Bofur and his family had arrived, and Thorin was inside, reassuring him that everything was fine, Dori’s car ( _with Nori and Ori in it_ ) was still dealing with the traffic that had delayed everyone. That Nori wasn't standing him up or anything of the sort.   


 

That was the cover story anyway. 

 

Finally, the doors to the church opened, and the three of them walked in. 

 

Bilbo sagged with relief. “Everyone is here! You are all so late!”

 

“I’ll be sure to co-ordinate the next world-ending disaster so it does not coincide with the _next_ wedding.” Dori said, giving him a pointed look. Bilbo didn't like the sound of _next wedding_ one bit, so he ignored it in in favor of straightening Nori’s tie. 

 

“Did you really wear a suit on your mission?” He asked, hopefully. "I'm proud of you!" 

 

Nori arched an eyebrow. “A suit? Like you and Seven? Please. I wouldn't be caught dead.”

 

“He changed in the car.” Ori explained, looking amused. 

 

Bilbo looked him over, and gave a reluctant seal of approval. “Hardly any wrinkles. I’m impressed. Don’t do it again.” 

 

Nori stepped away, and took a deep breath. Ori fell into place behind him, and Nori made to push the door open. Dori stepped next to him to give him away.   


 

“Wait!” They both turned to see Bilbo. 

 

“I almost forgot,” He said, pulling a tie out of his pocket. “Nori, Bofur gave me this to give to you. For your hair.” 

Nori took it slowly, with wide eyes. He turned it over in his fingers, smiling down at it. 

 

“I’ll put in your hair.” Ori said quickly, but gently. They _really_ needed to get in there and get him married. 

 

When Ori was done, Nori took a deep breath and shook himself out. He steeled himself again, and looked at the door. He grinned. 

 

“ _Showtime_.”

 

The door opened. 

 

-

 

The reception took place in Bombur’s backyard (it was the largest space they had available, given that Bofur’s brother had so many children). Although the wedding had been stressful, the reception was lovely. 

 

Nori kept the hairband in the entire day. He held a beer in one hand, and had his other arm wrapped around Bofur. Bofur was leaning into him, and holding a beer too. They were talking to Bifur, and all three were smiling and laughing. 

 

Dori was meeting different members of Bofur’s family, but soon he was commandeered by all the children. Dori himself was perfectly fine with that, and was seating himself with the rest of them, and eating dinner. He was having very serious conversations with all of them.  

 

There was something about Dori that attracted other children to him. Bilbo smiled into his own wine glass as Thorin joined him, carrying a wine glass of his own and a plate of _hor dourves_. 

 

“Ori’s helping serve food.” He said, taking a seat next to Bilbo. “But he gave me this for us.”

 

Bilbo pecked his cheek and thanked him. He leaned against Thorin, and they simply relaxed for a few moments. 

 

“Quite the day, wasn’t it?” Thorin spoke up. 

 

“Mh?”

 

“The wedding,” Thorin explain, “All the traffic, the broken oven, faulty cars, that fire alarm going off in the Church-”

 

“Oh!” Bilbo interrupted with a laugh, “Yes, that was rather inopportune.” It was sad just how easy it was to lie - to look the part of the bumbling yet endearing fool.  


 

“Inopportune.” Thorin teased. “Can you imagine? What if it’s a wedding curse. That's a thing in my family. You know, at Dis’ her dress ripped.” Thorin went on about different members of his family experiencing different disasters at their weddings. But something unpleasant settled in Bilbo’s stomach. 

 

Between Thorin’s reflecting about the "family curse," and Dori’s comments from before about the “next wedding,” Bilbo felt like they were trying to send him a discreet message. 

 

“Thorin,” He said, interrupting a story about some cousin named Dain and a ' _ring pig'_ (but that was going to be something he _needed_ to hear later), “There’s something we need to talk about.” 

 

“That sounds serious.” Was Thorin’s reply, but it was more inquisitive than accusatory, and his eyes were gentle. 

 

“It’s about marriage,” Bilbo began, but he faltered. He looked around, double-checking that neither of his brothers were anywhere near him before continuing. “I just… I can’t get married.” 

 

If he married, he would never escape his parent’s shadow. It would be 'another 002' married all over again.

 

If he married, that was a permanent attachment that someone could use to hurt him or Thorin. 

 

If he married, it showed that he learned _nothing_ from his own parents, or Ori’s parents. Marriage didn’t _work_ for agents. He could understand the irony of thinking about how marriage didn’t work for agents at _Nori’s_ wedding reception, but, well. 

 

There was a reason Ori was the best man, and not him. And that he hadn't stood up there with them during the ceremony.  


 

He liked Bofur. He _loved_ Bofur (as family). Bofur was probably his best friend, considering his brothers and Thorin didn’t count. But when Nori told them he wanted to propose to him, Bilbo had spoken out against it, and they had fought about it. They did reconcile in time for the wedding, and civily agreed to disagree, and called it a day. Bilbo had stepped to do his part to delay the ceremony when it was asked of him, because he loved them and wanted them to be happy. But they didn't agree on marriage. 

 

Bilbo loved Thorin. But he couldn’t marry him. He couldn’t go down that road with him. He just couldn’t. 

 

Thorin didn’t say anything right away, just looked at him without expression. Bilbo blushed, and looked away. He let his eyes go back to where Bofur and Nori were. They weren’t talking to Bifur anymore. Instead, they had wandered away from most everyone, and were wrapped around each other. If they had been making out or the like, that _would_ have been gross (for Bilbo anyway) but forgivable. What they were doing was _not_. 

 

They were just, _smiling_ at each other. And staring. How was nobody else so uncomfortable with this?

 

“Bilbo.” Thorin nudged him. Bilbo startled a little, and looked at Thorin’s shoulder, rather then his face. Again, Thorin said his name, and raised his face to look at him. 

 

“It’s alright. We don’t have to get married. I love you.” 

 

“I love you too.” Bilbo said, because it was true, it was. 

 

“That’s all I need. That’s all either of us need. We can be perfectly happy together without getting married. My parents were married, and they couldn’t stand each other.” 

 

That was right - Thorin had his own demons. Very different demons, but no less important. 

 

“I just… don’t want you to feel like we’re less then Nori and Bofur.” Bilbo admitted.   


 

“We’re not Nori and Bofur. We’re Bilbo and Thorin. And I like us.” Thorin shifted closer to him, and Bilbo gave a smile. 

 

"I like us too." He replied. 

  
How could he have ever thought that Thorin would leave him? Thorin was wonderful. And they would be fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is any feedback you'd like to share, please shoot me a message or send a thing to my Tumblr (it is Jmiracles)


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS STORY IS NOT ABANDONED. It definitely has a game-plan, I just needed a kick in the tuckus to make it so.

_Ori had a difficult time adjusting to life as an active member of MI6._

_The reason was not because of his training – though he felt it should be noted that it was highly classified. Only M and those above him were truly privy to everything he had gone through to become Q._

_Not that he started as Q right away – there had been a time, a short time, where he worked in the Q labs. Then, their Q stepped down to live out the rest of his life with his extended family, having had his share of agents and gadgets to last several lifetimes. M then put the rest of the scientists through several intense rounds of testing to figure out who could be the next head of Q branch._

_It was no contest._

_Ori went through even more testing, more training, and more intelligence clearances then he even thought were possible – but it was absolutely worth it to gain the title Q, with all the privileges the position had. Most importantly, the power of reporting to only M, a luxury only the 00’s had._

 

_The brothers took him out to dinner, to celebrate his "workplace promotion.” Which was the only time they would acknowledge his achievement outside of headquarters._

_But the true difficulty of the job lay in the fault of the older intelligence analysts (particularly the ones that remembered a little Ori that colored in M’s office), and the agents._

_Especially the agents._

 

_Namely, 007._

_Part of Q's duties and responsibilities were to personally outfit and arm each agent before a mission. In the beginning, every agent had made a crack at his age; a few asked if he was in danger of missing the bus to school (002 asked him that), a few asked if it was for college credit (a favorite of 003's), and some (like 007) assumed he was an intern._

_They all dropped the comments, except for 007. But it was there way - he would tease Q for being too young, and Q would make digs about his intelligence (calling him a muscle doing his bidding). And then 007 would ask just how long Q had been checking out his muscles in the first place. Thankfully, that was said over intercom, so no-one would be able to see his blush. M knew of course, but M knew everything.  
_

_Agents are made of different stuff then analysts though. They have different senses of humor, and not as developed social skills (Q blamed the license to kill). But they hide their social inabilities too well - under all those layers of charm. Also, 007 and Q don't actually know each other very well._

 

_It was why he's taken off guard when 007's teasing goes to far._

 

_“Don’t your parents wonder where you are?” He had teased one day._

_Q’s eyes fluttered shut, and his grip tightened on the gun he was about to offer. He turned, and gazed coldly at 007. The agent seemed to have realized he had crossed a line, and raised an eyebrow in confusion._

_“I expect this back by tomorrow.” He said flatly, and left the lab. What was he doing, anyway? Where was this idle flirtation even going? Agents don't date. Certainly not analysts. Q had no negative perception of his self, but he knew he must not have much to offer when someone like 007 worked with people as charming as 003, or looked as beautiful as 004.  
_

_In that moment, Q hated 007 for pushing at him like that. None of the other agents were able to get under his skin - not even those who knew him best._

_How unfair._

 

_The next day, Q entered the lab to find the gun on his table, just as he left it. For a moment, he thought that 007 had forgotten it, except there was a note on top of it._

_‘Sorry’_

_There was a single flower next to it._

_Q thumbed the note, and gave a small smile before realizing his minions were all there._

_He glared and they dispersed._

 

* * *

 

 

_They said that after a while, romance in the relationship died out._

_Q had yet to experience that._

_007 still returned from missions with a flower (it changed every time) and at least one unbroken piece of equipment._

_Call them cheesy, but it was a tradition._

_Even after Ori had been kidnapped, and Dwalin had locked them both in the room in medical, he leaned over to pick a flower from the vase on the bedside table, and handed it to him._

_Ori smiled at him, and curled up into his side._

_It was their thing._

* * *

 

The plane landed in Buenos Aires, and the agents began the trek to the complex.

 

007 leaned down, picked up a flower that caught his eye, and pocketed it.

 

“Taking souvenirs?” 002 asked.

 

‘ _You’re just jealous he likes me more._ ’ Q snarked.

 

“I thought you liked me best.” 003 pouted.

 

‘ _Please_.’

 

“ _Chatter_.”

 

_(Bofur chuckled. “Do they do this often?” he asked. M sighed. “You have no idea.”)_

 

They fell silent, heading toward the ruined mines of Moria.

 

Even without the story Dori had told him about Bilbo’s father and the last 007, 003 could see quite plainly that Moria was a tomb. The facility itself stood proud, but clearly ill-kept. Vines had grown around the building, and ill-care reflected on the visible windows that they could see - or rather, that they could see under thick layers of dust.

 

But something was very wrong.

 

The mines of Moria should have had parts of it demolished, from the bomb that Bungo had planted all those years before to kill Azog. And yet, _someone_ had gone back and fixed it.  

 

“It’s been repaired since they were last here.” 003 reported, tapping his earpiece unnecessarily. Touching it didn’t allow M or Q to hear him any better, but it was a habit he always had - most likely because it did comfort him to know that his brothers were there, even if they weren’t acting as his brothers in that moment. There were two reasons he liked this. The first was that it was a comfort to have them there with him, seeing everything. The second was much darker - if anything ever happened, no one would have to tell him, the way Bilbo had to be told about his parents. They would already know.

 

“ _Proceed_.” M replied, “ _And use caution_.”

 

“Really? I was going to storm in, firing my gun like there was no tomorrow,” 007 answered. 003 groaned silently as 002 snickered.

 

“Is it really going to be that kind of mission Seven?” 003 asked.

 

“Of course Three.” 007 replied.

 

“ _Chatter_.”

 

_(As they fell silent and walked ahead, Bofur turned to Dori._

_“Did Nori just call him ‘Seven’?” Dori nodded, and explained. “It’s shorthand for them to refer to each other that way - their number becomes their name, who they are when they’re on the field.”_

_Bofur frowned. “And if something happens? They’re just a number to you then?”_

_Dori flinched at the unbridled memory of Bungo and Belladonna’s last mission – and hearing the way the former Q had said, quite callously, “Mission Failed. 002 and 003 now inoperable.”_

_As if they were experiments he’d made, and not people with a child._

_“I’m sorry.” Bofur said, a moment later, “Did I say something that hurt?”_

_“You couldn’t have known,” M forgave. “The last 002 and 003 – they died on a mission. Bilbo’s parents.”_

_Bofur raised his eyebrows in surprise._ )

 

They all fell silent - temporarily, anyway. 002 motioned for them to be still, and he crept ahead. 003 hated to admit it - really, he _hated_ to admit it - but 002 was the best out of them all for moving silently. The youngest agent scouted ahead, and the other two waited outside the gate.

 

‘It’s clear.’ Q said for them, so 002 didn’t have to call back and risk alerting anyone nearby to their presence.

 

They walked in through the gate. The courtyard had become overgrown with bushes, thrush, and weeds.

 

“It’s a combination of proud and crumbling.” 007 said in a low voice, as he looked around the facility. 003 agreed.

 

“Eyes ahead seven.” He said in a low tone.

 

They met 002 after they passed through the front door, and the three continued down the left hallway, per Q’s instruction.

 

“This place is creepy.” 002 whispered to them. “It feels like a tomb.”

 

‘ _Just get to the servers_ ,’ Q said to them, ‘ _Keep your eyes peeled_.’

 

“Remember,” 002 said, “Last one there buys the pints.”

 

“I bet it’ll be Seven.” 003 said. The other two were surprised at the teasing tone coming from him - he was ordinarily very stoic and focused on missions unless he was pulling a character.

 

“Three, it’s like you have a personality,” 007 said with mock-surprise.

 

“I’m going to remember that sass when we order later,” 003 retorted, “Pints are expensive.”

 

“You mean you actually go out? I thought you just hid away now.”

 

Before 003 could reply that well yes, he did go out, a new voice joined the fray.

 

**_“Hello agents.”_ **

 

They all stopped dead.

 

That didn’t come from their ear pieces.

 

After a moment, it was Nori who broke the stalemate. “Hello?”

 

 ** _“How are you all?”_**   The voice continues, as if they were a dear friend, chatting in a café.

 

“Who are you?” 002 asks.

 

 ** _“The Necromancer.”_** He answered.

 

They were all frozen. This was the man who started it all. Who nearly killed Bofur.

 

003’s fists clenched.

 

“That is a ridiculous name.” 007 says.

 

From the loudspeakers comes a chuckle - it comes across as something sinister, especially with how distorted the voice is already.

 

_**“More ridiculous then the use of a number instead of your name? You take away identities as if removing yourselves from the field. But when you die, it doesn’t matter what you called yourself.”** _

 

_(Bofur feels a chill down his back, to hear his words thrown back at him.)_

 

 _‘His voice is coming from the servers.’_ Q’s voice acts as a balm, to remind them that they aren’t alone with the Necromancer. _‘Get me in the server.’_

 

“You speak of illusions.” 003 said, “And yet you hide in shadow.”

 

_**“I am shadow. I have been a shadow for more than twenty years. Biding my time. Waiting. Building my resources for the right moment to strike. And that moment has now come.”** _

 

“Are you serious?” 002 hissed to the others, “I can’t believe we’re being subjected to this monologuing. We’re much too good.” 007 snorted.

 

“Quiet Two.” 003 murmured.

 

 ** _“002 is it?”_ ** The Necromancer asks, as if delighted. They all cringe. How much can he hear? His voice quality sounds terrible, but it must be halfway decent if he can manage to hear their whispers.

 

**_“Tell me, 002, are you still trying to have it all? The lifestyle of an agent and the beautiful family on the side? Greedy greedy.”_ **

 

The three of them exchange looks of confusion and alarm. Q urges them - whispering himself - down the corridor, and instructing them to make a series of left and right turns. All the while reminding them that it’s the servers they need to get to. it’s the servers that matter.

 

 _ **“You’ve been playing Gods in the field for long enough.”** _ The Necromancer continues, even though they never replied. _**“But it is for naught. I have already proven that my influence is infinite, my reach boundless.”**_

 

“Oh, you mean kidnapping innocents?” 007 mock-asks, ignoring Q telling him to _hush_. “Yes that’s very impressive, I’m quaking.”

 

**_“Your quartermaster? Innocent? Innocent enough to let any one of you die if it means the success of a mission? You only showed your weakness by rescuing him. And the expendable one.”_ **

 

 _Expendable one?_ 003 mouths to the others with a look of confusion. They both shrug back at him. How would they know? But there had been two people kidnapped alongside Q. And now the Necromancer confirmed it - Ori's identity, somehow, was officially compromised.

 

**_“And how conceited you all are - to think that I even wanted your, how do you agents put it, 'tech boy', anyway?”_ **

 

It doesn’t show, but they all know 007 is wincing. ( _Ignore him_ , Q was saying, _Keep walking_ )

 

**_“Do you really think you distracted me with my own monologue?_ **

 

Several piercing shrieks fill the air, and there is loud activity behind them.

 

 _ **“Behold,”**_ The Necromancer said, ** _“My ever-faithful servants – the goblins!”_**

 

‘ _Run_!’ Q ordered, and they sprinted down the hallway.

 

The Goblins are fast buggers, despite the people looking like decrepit zombies. They snarl, hiss, and thrash. Their arms make several sweeping motions, trying to grab them even though they are several meters away. 

 

Reflexively, 002 and 003 fall behind 007 to shoot at them – they have the better marksman aim, where 007 will be better suited for getting into the servers.

 

The chaos of running and somehow trying to shoot slows 002 and 003 down, and pretty soon 007 pulls ahead of them. They duck into a side passage way to hold their ground, and pick off the goblins and running when they lose ground.

 

 ** _“Do you like them?”_ ** The Necromancer mocked, ** _“They are my goblins. Mindless servants that have been exposed to my Nazgul.”_**

 

“Oh, love them!” 002 yelled angrily, “Can’t you tell?”

 

 ** _“It only takes a few heavy doses,”_ ** The Necromancer continued, **_“I planned on taking your expendable one as part of my army to raise the dead.”_**

 

003 roared, flinging himself from behind their barrier to shoot several of the goblins in rapid succession. He then shot two of the speakers above them.

 

002 rolled his eyes and called for him to hurry on.

 

007, who had gotten a ways ahead of them, made it to the servers. He could hear the clamoring of the goblins and the gunshots getting louder with every passing moment.

 

He pressed his hand to his own earpiece. 003 wasn’t the only one with the habit. “I’m here, Q.”

 

Quickly, Q rattled off instructions that he followed with only a seconds’ delay.

 

He nearly dropped the flash drive when a high-pitched electronic scream came into his ear drum.

 

**_“Trying to break in to my server?”_ **

 

The Necromancer laughed.

 

_**“You agents are sure in a hurry to discover my presents. Trying to access my servers will only unleash my Balrog!”** _

 

007 tightened his grip on the flash drive. “You’re a lunatic,” He growled, and inserted it.

The next scream made him go white.

 

It was _Ori_.

 

From their positions in the hallway, 002 and 003 winced and clutched at their earpieces.

 

 ** _“Looks like your Quartermaster is enjoying himself!”_** The Necromancer cackled.

 

003 shot at the other speakers.

 

 ** _“It is no matter!”_** He said, **_“My reach is now your reach! Try and stop me – no matter how many times you try – no matter how many times you do – I will always be back to raise myself from the dead, and your enemies too!”_**

 

002 fired at the goblins, while 003 looked around for the source of the voice.

 

“ _Retreat_.” M snapped, and his voice jolted them back into awareness.

 

007 ran back into the hallway. Q’s voice didn’t come back online, but they didn’t have the time to wait for him.

 

Dwalin pushed down his fears.

 

“I see a window.” He said to the others. They followed him down the rest of the hallway, and he shot at the window, until pieces of the glass fell from the pane.

 

003 butted his gun through the rest of the way, trying to clear as much as they could. With only 002 fending off the goblins, they had maybe twenty seconds.

 

007 poked his head out the window, gauging the distance from the window to the floor. He removed his jacket, and told the other two to follow him.

 

Then he jumped out of the window.

 

003 cursed, but did the same.

 

002 clicked the gun, only to notice it was out of bullets.

 

“Saved by the bell.” He whispered, and followed his comrades out the door.

 

-

 

“You’re boyfriend makes the best gadgets,” 003 called to 007. Their suit jackets doubled as emergency parachuts in the case of high-building getaways. “But don’t tell him I said that or he’ll make me wear a suit every time.”

 

 _“You are supposed to do that anyway.”_ M said. “ _And it’s a little late for that, he can hear you himself._ ”

 

Relief washed over 007 in a pleasant, dizzy spiral.

 

“ _Just got so, shocked, to hear you say that_.” Q quipped, and they all groaned.

“Go back to not talking,” 002 begged.

 

 _‘Oh, what was that 002? Would you like me to have the plane take off and leave you there?_ ’ Q asked.

 

002 said nothing.

 

_‘Thought so.’_

 

“ _Chatter_.”

 

The three agents landed, and ran in the direction of the jet. None of them wanted to stick around for the goblins to find them again.

 

“The Necromancer infiltrated our servers, rendering our headquarters inoperable. Proceed to Safe house Beta.” M instructed.

 

“We’re all reconnecting there?” 003 asked, flipping several control to get their jet airborn as quickly as possible. 

"Yes. With Q compromised, and Bofur identified as a Mark, we don't know who is safe. We will be meeting you there." 

M disconnected then, leaving the rest of them in silence. 

 

There's many things that should be thinking about. Who the necromancer was. What he wanted with an army of goblins. What his Balrog was capable of. What his end plan was.

 

How they could think of stopping him.

 

007 looked at the others.

 

"Well, gentlewomen," he said, "I'll be getting a Bailey's, on you both, when this is all over."

003 rolled his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any moments you want to see (Nori growing up, Bilbo and Thorin dating) just let me know.


End file.
